Stacked and Packed...
(or A Case for Women in Combat)

Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) has recently proposed legislation that would reinstate the draft for the US Armed Services. Of course, Rangel doesn't really want there to be a draft--no one would vote for it (as evidenced by the results of Rangel's last effort at introducing this legislation).

And, in fact, there is no need for a draft. We have the answer to manpower shortages right under our noses. Women.

Women have previously been barred from serving in combat units, but as we know from reading the news, women are under fire every day in Iraq. PFC Jessica Lynch was captured. Female pilots have been shot down. US Navy destroyers don't have urinals any more (though I would wager that I have seen women who could use them).

The answer lies in the empowerment of women to fight alongside (or, in place of) men. The organisational unit should be all women, commanded by people like Andrea Yates and Pam Smart. One has to assume that a woman cold enough to drown her own children, or get her students to whack her husband, could be fucking brutal on the field of battle. Also, the humiliation of our enemies, who would be beaten by a bunch of (heavily armed) girls, would be a tremendous boon.

Abdullah: "Oh, Allah. How could you let me be defeated by a woman? A second-class citizen. I am a superior Muslim man being beaten by a woman who wouldn't even be allowed to drive a car in my country, let alone a tank."

Imagine the terror that a cadre of Claiborne-clad troopers, perfectly accessorised (natch) could instill in our enemies. And if they were pre-menstrual, then it would surely be game, set and match.

Sniper rifles could be fitted with scopes that projected a cheating ex on the target.

PFC Molly: "I have the target. Why, it is that cheating lout, Stanley. Die, you son of a bitch! [blam] That will teach you to fuck my sister. [blam]

HUDs on attack aircraft could show the target as the sorority house that black-balled the pilot.

CDR Lucy: "Fucking Chi Os. [Pickling a 2000lb JDAM] Die, bitches."

An objective to be captured could be attained by a little sleight of hand.

GEN Kate: "Ladies, that building up there holds Iraq's entire stockpile of Manolos and Kate Spade bags. There are also at least 20 full-length mink coats being held against their will. Go get 'em."

Not only would they be driven to succeed, when they found out that there were no shoes or bags, they would lay waste to the place.

They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. For the sake of equality, let's try it out on the field of battle.