The Lifeguard notes that this building was under construction the last time that he was in Greece. Of course, it's a big project, and it's hard to get anything done when the union requires so many breaks for coffee, lunch, naps, ouzo, and harassment of women walking by the site.
The good news for the Athenian citizenry? The project is scheduled for completion in 2123.
The Lifeguard went into Dick's Sporting Goods to pick up a few pair of socks. Once inside, he realised that the store is aptly named, given that every single shopper and employee that The Lifeguard encountered was either a dick; or, they didn't know dick.
Seriously, it's a sporting goods store. They can't find a couple of English-speaking sportos who want to work in the place? Instead, The Lifeguard had to endure broken English, minimal math skills, and a personality that never started. (And, to top it all off, she looked nothing like either of the nice young ladies in the above picture.)
The next time The Lifeguard needs something, he's going to call Amazon. (Actually, the next time The Lifeguard needs something, he's going to call these two.)
The Lifeguard offers another installment of the most anticipated commentary on life, politics, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and sex. Speedos!
Eduardo Saverin (of Facebook fame) relinquished his American citizenship in September, 2011, becoming a citizen of Singapore. A few days later, the plans for the Facebook IPO became public, and it became obvious that Ed had flown the coop to avoid about $67 million in taxes. And, while The Lifeguard thinks that Ed is an ungrateful douche, The Lifeguard says, "Good on ya, mate!" (The Lifeguard also hopes that Ed gets caught tagging a building.)
That having been said, The Lifeguard thinks that Senator Putzhead's EX-PATRIOT Act legislation might just be a Bill of Attainder. Of course, The Lifeguard does realise that the constitutional whizzes in our government might have missed their law school class on that day.
President Obama's relatives (pictured above) line up for their driving tests at the Massachusetts RMV office (just outside Nairobi).
When The Lifeguard was running the Boston Marathon, he saw an awful lot of T-Shirts emblazoned with the flag of President Obama's homeland. (Which is, of course, America.)
The news of President Barack Hussein Obama (who is still neither Muslim nor Kenyan) having been described as "...born in Kenya..." (by his literary agent) is troubling to The Lifeguard (for many reasons). First, it shows that President Obama is either corrupt (for lying to sell a story) or stupid (for not catching his agent's gaffe). Second, it demonstrates the depth of the mainstream media's hatred for President Bush The Younger. (How did the media miss--or hide--this shit, and why?) And, finally, how did President Obama ever get a teaching position at the University of Chicago Law School? (Don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question.)
As a Senior Lecturer at the University of Chicago, President Obama taught two more courses a year than US Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren teaches at Harvard Law School.
The Lifeguard was talking to a Canadian friend, who related a story about a conversation with an American who asked, "What's a 'Canada'?" (Answer: A hat, worn by an 'America.')
California Governor, Jerry Brown, is salivating over the Facebook IPO. All of those new millionaires equal scads of additional tax revenue for his near-bankrupt state. Money which will, no doubt, go straight down some Sacramento rat hole.
This May Be The Next Most Popular Picture From This Blog
Welcome, y'all! It's been a while since the last installment of Speedos, but there has been a lot happening. So, here's The Lifeguard's package for today.
The Lifeguard doesn't give a fuck that Giuliana Rancic is pregnant...because she's not. Her surrogate, however, is pregnant. What has the world come to when some D-List celebrity sucks up so much of the media spotlight?
Washington, DC is going to start using more expensive Trojan condoms in their HIV prevention programs. Apparently kids have complained that the generic condoms were "too small." (What kid doesn't think that he's hung like a moose?) The Lifeguard can only hope that Congress will start using condoms the next time they screw us.
Harvard Law professor (and senatorial candidate) Elizabeth Warren is 1/32d Cherokee (because she has high cheekbones). Does that make The Lifeguard half Jewish and half black? (After all, people have told The Lifeguard that he has a big nose and a huge cock.)
Given The Lifeguard's heritage, does that mean that he'll get hired by Harvard Law School? (Note to Harvard. Pay The Lifeguard $350,000.00 and he'll teach two classes.)
Al Qaeda can design a bomb to fit in a camera case, or a pair of underwear? Why can't Al Qaeda turn some of that ingenuity toward peace? And, God help them if they ever put a bomb in Fido. PETA and the ASPCA will kill every last one of them.
John Travolta being sued for sexual harassment by two men? The Lifeguard is shocked. Shocked!
Why do the majority of searches for pictures of lesbians and fat women (on this blog) originate in Iran?
God, how The Lifeguard misses The Cold War. At least the threat was quantifiable, identifiable, and verifiable. Plus, the Soviets were just as prone to enjoying life as we are. Instead, we are dealing with a bunch of bugfuck crazy religious fanatics, longing to leave this world for paradise and 72 Virginians.
He is the first American president to have not one, but two relatives living illegally in the United States. (One of them, in public housing; and, the other, arrested recently for driving drunk.)
He is the first American president to play nearly 100 rounds of golf in his first term.
He has incurred more debt in less than four years in office than his predecessor did in eight (while fighting two wars, no less). [Ed. Note: This came from CBS News, so you know that it is probably true.]
President Barack Hussein Obama (who is still not a Muslim and who was still not born in Kenya) "spiked the football" with respect to Osama bin Laden. Obama intimated that Republican contender, Mitt Romney, would not have had the cojones to hunt downbin Laden, and a firestorm ensued.
Romney noted that, "[e]ven Jimmy Carter would have given that order." (Jimmy Carter denied it.)
Said Mitt, "Not only would I have given the order to kill bin Laden, I'd have baptized him into the Mormon Church after he was dead."
Yacht racing, crow bar wielding, tennis playing, Red Sox watching, mountain bike riding, Yankee dissing, downhill skiing, golf club swinging, martini drinking, whisky loving, oyster shucking, sushi eating, steak grilling man of the people.