Coulter versus The Lifeguard

Just the other day, someone compared me to Ann Coulter. Now, aside from the (obvious) fact that I have a good 5 stone on Coulter, and that I am a man, there are some major differences.

First, I haven't been sacked for saying that the solution to the Islamic problem is to "...invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity." I did say something like that, but no one listened.

Second, I have never been accused of being at Geraldo Rivera's home.

Third, I am not a tall, skinny blonde. (A friend of mine once remarked that sex with Coulter would be like sleeping with a bag of rakes.)

Fourth, I am a better shot, at close range, with all manner of small arms. Coulter is better with a rifle at 50 feet.

Fifth, Coulter has more money than I do, and has been booed off of more stages. I am lagging behind because I have been working on several other projects, including my devious plan for world domination.

Finally, I am eminently more likeable than Coulter. In an unscientific survey of 100 people, 98 said that they would rather read Lifeguard of the Jury Pool than Godless. The other two said that they hated both of us, and wished that we (meaning me and Coulter) would drop dead. Incidentally, those were the only two people who voted for Grace Ross in the 2006 Massachusetts Gubernatorial race.

So, there you have it. I am different than Ann Coulter.

[Ed. Note: This was not a lame excuse to cull through thousands of pictures of Ann Coulter to find one suitable for posting.]