Saturday, November 24, 2012


Bangor Man Doesn't (Bang Her)
So he smacks her with his penis.

Now, if The Lifeguard had wielded his...instrument, he'd have likely killed her.

Reminds me of the story of the man who comes home to find his wife furiously packing her suitcase.

"Where do you think you are going?" he asks.

"To Las Vegas," she says.  "I have heard that in Las Vegas a woman can make $100,000.00 a year just by having sex.

So, her husband starts packing his suitcase.

"I'm coming with you," he says.  "I have got to see how you're going to live on $50.00 a year."

The Lifeguard Is Back!

The Bender Is Over
Following the 2012 presidential election, The Lifeguard figured that since the Romney campaign chose to ignore his wisdom (again), and that the American voters had elected a fast and furiously non-Muslim (again), The Lifeguard would spring into action.  [Read "start drinking heavily."]

So, with the assistance of Nurse Midori, he retired to the bunker and began drowning his sorrows.

But, Nurse Midori is a competent caregiver (having worked closely with Nurse Dagmar when The Lifeguard last required medical attention); and soon, The Lifeguard was contemplating the meaning of life, the perfect martini, and the ultimate creme brulee.

Which brings The Lifeguard to the reason for this post...

Brent Musburger makes watching a college football game almost impossible.

That said, The Lifeguard will be hoping for a tie as the (undefeated) Notre Dame Fighting Irish take on the USC Trojans, in sunny Southern California.

Also, The Lifeguard wonders if this game would even be possible without ObamaCare.  After all, I thought it would be against the tenets of the Catholic faith for Catholics to be covered (from time to time) by Trojans.