Thursday, November 29, 2007

Fucking Republicans...

I just watched former governor, Mike Dukakis (D-MA) (and punchline to many jokes) blame Republicans (and former President George H.W. Bush) for Willie Horton. And, by extension, the fact that he is a washed-up little douche bag, pontificating on what might have been. What might have been had he not furloughed the murderer. Not had Neil Diamond's awful "Coming to America" as his theme song. Not gotten into that tank.

Really, not a single Republican would have furloughed Horton, a convicted murderer, serving a life sentence. Most Democrats would have let Horton rot in jail (until they commuted his sentence because he was black/abused as a child/gay/a sex-addict/a drug addict/a registered Democrat). And, strangely enough, it was not a Republican that first raised the issue of the Greek midget's Achilles Heel.

It was the Nobel Prize winning, Oscar garnering, rock star loving, drug-using son supporting former Veep, Albert Arnold Gore.

Yep, Al Gore first called The Duke on his furlough programme.

And yet, when asked, people blame Bush the Elder for this (true) advertisement.

So, the next time someone says that Bush the Elder was a racist because he outed The Duke for Willie Horton, tell them that The Lifeguard told them to "shut the fuck up."

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Bad Governor...

Bad Movie...

This abortion was one of the worst movies ever made. It was so bad, I wanted to blow out my brains. The North Vietnamese tortured John McCain for five years in the Hanoi Hilton because he was from America, and Americans would eventually make this movie.

Which brings me to former Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee, one of the lesser souls seeking a major party nomination for president. This douche, allegedly leading in Iowa, is the new star of the mainstream media (MSM). "He's so smart," says one. "He's got such a great wit," says another. "He's the only real Christian Conservative," says a third. "He is so fucking unelectable," says The Lifeguard.

I can not even believe that the debates have started.

First of all, no one wants another former governor of a third-world, in-bred, sheep-fucking backwater, like Arkansas.

Second, this guy is a tool. Just look at him. For fuck's sake, the dude looks like a used car salesman...or a pedophile...or both.

Finally, if the MSM want him, this cat is unelectable. Really, the same folks who like Huckabee like Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez; Zimbabwean dictator, Robert Mugabe; and, Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro. They even liked the movie.

This isn't funny, it's sad. Sad that the movie was made, sad that people are jazzed for Mike Huckabee, sad that I actually remarked that Anderson Cooper did a fine job with the debate.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Eighth Inning At Fenway Park Will Never Be The Same Again...

Neil Diamond surprised no one when he revealed that the song (and eighth-inning Fenway standard), "Sweet Caroline" was about Caroline Kennedy. What surprised people was that the lyrics were penned in 1969, after he saw a picture of Caroline Kennedy. I mean, really, she was twelve years old when he saw the picture. Twelve. Underage. Jail bait.

I always knew that Diamond was a creepy bastard. And now, he'll be registering as a sex offender at a police station near you.

"Sweet Caroline"
by Neil Diamond

Where it began, I can't begin to know when (It was 1969. I was in a cheap hotel.)
But then I know it's growing strong (Nice sentiment.)
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along (Still not too creepy.)

Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you (Creepy. Really creepy.)
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would

And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh (I shouldn't have this on my hard drive.)
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you (Sick and twisted. Call the police.)

Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you (She's only twelve...but very mature.)
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would

Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good (Bring me a pack of smokes.)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Holy Mother of Pearl!

I tuned into the Democrat Debate, live from Las Vegas, and I was immediately struck by the idiocy on stage.

Governor Bill Richardson (D-NM) said that human rights were more important, at times, than America's security. Several candidates (who don't believe that democracy is possible in Iraq) claim that Pakistan's president, Pervez Musharraf (who was re-elected in a landslide just weeks ago) needs to allow elections so that democracy can come to Pakistan.

Kucinich was just plain bugfuck crazy, and Senator Edwards had hair that was flat and greasy. Apparently, he eschewed showering so that people could not make fun of his (usually) magnificent mane of hair.

Hillary! said no to driving licenses for illegal aliens; and, Senator B. Hussein Obama (D-Iraqinois) actually gave a tortured answer to the same question. What a fuckwit. He has has weeks to prepare for the question, and he muffed it.

He should thank Christ (or Allah) that he is in America, and not some third-world backwater. Of course, if we were, he'd be taken away and shot, and we'd be spared from any more of his lame responses to questions that were easily anticipated.

The winner, in my opinion? Senator Joe Biden (D-DE), who had the quickest wit (we know it was his wit--the writers are on strike) and the most concise (for the first time ever) answers. And, he got it all right when asked if he would support the Democrat nominee (if it were not he). He said, "Hell no, I am not going to support any of these guys."
Just When You Thought That We Could Co-Exist With The Religion of Peace...

the backwardass, camel-humping fuckwits that live according to Sharia Law go and do this:

They punish the female victim of a gang-rape with two hundred (200) lashes because she happened to be in a car with a man to whom she was not related.

Sounds reasonable to me. After all, she shouldn't have been in that car. She wore a burqa that caused the men to become so turned-on that they raped her. Contrary to some reports, though, the men were not members of Senator Edward M. Kennedy's family. They weren't in Palm Beach, FL at Easter, either.

Seriously, if we think, for a minute, that we can peacefully co-exist with countries that mete out such draconian punishment to the victims of rape, we need to have our collective heads examined.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Former Co-President, William Jefferson Clinton Sticks Up For His Woman...

Well, at least the one that he hopes will get him back into the White House, onto Air Force One, and upon the world stage.

In much the same way that Elizabeth Edwards stood up for her spouse (John Edwards, the other woman in this race), the former president observed that,
"those boys have been getting tough on her lately." (He later apologised to Sen. Obama for using the word, "boy.")

This is queer, because the "boys" have been anything but tough on the Democrat party's putative standard bearer. They are all sucking up to her (and the former president) in hopes of making the VP short-list. (Note to former-Senator Edwards: "YOU ARE NOT ON THE LIST!")

If this curious band of misfits and retards (I mean you, Kucinich) was really tough, they would ask her about her flip-flopping, her lies about her health care plan (when she was co-president) and her support of the Chicago Cubs. Hell, that is enough to disqualify anyone from any office demanding sanity, reason and accountability.

Hillary! is uncomfortable in her own skin, in her own body. She can not be feminine and a feminist. (That is not to say the two are mutually exclusive. I know plenty of feminine feminists. C'mon, you know who you are.) Consequently, as I have noted before, Hillary! has (rightly) tried to divert attention from the eight hundred in the room--her sex. But, occasionally, she shows her humanity, her sexuality (can you say, "cleavage"?), and it makes us all a little woozy.

Then, she blames the attention her sexuality gets on sexism. She encouraged the press to slam Rep. Rick Lazio (R-NY) for invading her space when she first ran for the Senate. She has her attack dogs attack (and raise money) after the whole (unsettling) cleavage issue. And now, she has her husband--the man she Tanya Tuckered--talk about the boys getting rough.

If she is serious--and real--she should run as a tough, smart woman; not as a woman-pretending-to-be-a-man-except-when-pretending-to-be-
a-woman would help her more.

And the former president--that shameless prat--he should stop bitching about Hillary! being Swift-boated and start talking about why she is the best candidate, the most prepared for the big show.

The other candidates? They should call her on every mis-step, every lie, every deviation from the Democrat Party Platform. Then, they should beat her senseless with this information. And, when the press--or the former president--protests, they should tell them all to, "Shut the fuck up!"

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Thank You For Your Service To Our Country...

Today is Veterans Day, a Federal Holiday formerly known as Armistice Day.

The eleventh day of the eleventh month was selected to commemorate the war dead in World War I (which ended in a rail car at the eleventh hour). Following World War II, the name was changed, creating a holiday to celebrate the sacrifice of all American war dead, and the veterans of those wars, fought to preserve the Republic.

My father, a member of "The Greatest Generation," served in the United States Army Air Force during World War II; and, later, he spent forty years as an Air Force civilian, working to ensure that the Air Force was the best equipped in the world.

From the B-26 (which served in numerous conflicts) to the F-101 Voodoo. From the F-4 Phantom to the F-16 Fighting Falcon, he established himself as a master logistician, a friend to our allies, and a patriot. He was my hero, from my first memory of him to my last, as he lay dying.

He worked closely with the Ninth Air Force, and as such, their crest is shown above, proudly.

Today, I remember him, my Uncle Joe (COL, USAF (Ret.)), my cousin Steve (USMA Class of 1975 and MAJ, USA (Ret.)), my friend Tom (USMA Class of 1987 and LTC, USA) and his entire family, and my friend, Wayne (COL, USAF (Ret.)). I also remember and pray for all of those men and women who have served under arms for this great nation. And, I say, "Thank you for your service."

As a final comment, I encourage everyone to say thank you to our service men and women. They serve so that we may live in freedom.

Saturday, November 03, 2007


Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster (snicker!) of the Hogwarts School, is a homo.

I was certain it was that little queen, Potter. After all, he couldn't close the deal with Hogwarts hottie, Hermione Granger.

Really, who cares? And, what does it add to the story to out Dumbledore? Nothing, I say.

The bigger question, of course, is why there was thunderous applause when J.K. Rowling revealed his sexual orientation. He is a fictional character, for heck's sake. He doesn't exist.

Rowling was later heard to say, "Why can't these people get a life? I mean, I appreciate the shit ton of money I have made off of that little brat Potter; and I love the attention, but...GET A LIFE!"

Friday, November 02, 2007

The First Viable Female Candidate...

Former Senator John Edwards has made quite the name for himself, from being Senator John Kerry's lap-dog, to his $1,000.00 haircuts, to letting his wife take on his detractors. He is, effectively, the first female candidate for President of the United States, and we are proud of him. Very proud.

Senator Barack Hussein Obama (D-IL) is the first...well...something. Maybe the first candidate with the middle name, "Hussein." After all, President William Jefferson Clinton was the first black president.

Senator Hillary! (D-NY) is the first candidate who is terribly uncomfortable with her sexuality. She is not really a woman, because she doesn't want people to see her as a weak female...unless it helps her. Like when she does badly in a debate, and claims--though her mouthpiece--that Hillary! was the victim of a pile-on.

For instance, longtime Clinton adviser Patti Solis Doyle also stated: “On that stage in Philadelphia, we saw six against one. Candidates who had pledged the politics of hope practiced the politics of pile on instead."

Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-Out There) is the first certifiably insane candidate, largely based upon his having witnessed a UFO. Believe me, Kucinich is more likely to live in his mother's basement than to have seen a UFO. But hey, he makes the three front-runners look moderate and sane. Or, just moderately sane.

The bottom line when it comes to this field trip from the Home for the Unpatriotically Vapid, the only loser is the United States of America.

Iraq is a mess: Let's surrender. Rich people have money: Tax the shit out of them. Muslims fly airplanes into buildings killing 3,000 innocents: Stop grandma at security and cavity-search her, while letting Madame Burqa board without removing her head dress because it might offend her. Rich people still have money: Tax them some more. Americans understand the need to have a common language: Prevent English from being declared the National Tongue. America is founded by God-fearing people: Erase all evidence of God from everything.


So, as we roll into the next debate, expect more of the same. More dissembling. More anti-American rhetoric. More UFOs. More horseshit.