Saturday, December 02, 2006








She Gave Me A Hummer For My Birthday....

It Wasn't Quite What I Had In Mind.


If you aren't driving a Hummer that looks like this, and you are a man, then you have a very small penis.

I love the fact that Car and Driver magazine once deemed the Hummer the best vehicle for the urban environment, and being a Boston driver, I would agree. I would happily drive this bad boy to work every day, and I would challenge anyone to cut me off.

Me: "That asshole! [Just having been cut off by a Chevy POS] Gunny, light 'em up."

Gunny: [Working the .50 calibre machine gun] "Eat lead, you douche!"

But, since Boston requires attention to meter maggots and pedestrians, not IEDs and insurgents, there is pretty much no reason to drive an H1, H2 or H3. Unless, of course, you are lacking in the dick department.

My objection to these vehicles has nothing to do with the environment. I love the H1 (and the military variant even more); but, absent a need to get to my mountain escape, which sits atop a hill with no roads and a 45 degree grade, I won't be getting one anytime soon. The H2 (which is most prevalent in Boston) is a chick car; and, the H3 is just a pre-pubescent version of the H2.

Better you lose 35 pounds than buy one of these. Or, you could enlist.

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