Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter, From The Lifeguard
The Lifeguard only wishes he could "save" like He does.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Who Watches Golf on Television?
More to the point, who records golf on television for viewing at a later time? Seriously, who does that?

The Lifeguard received a call on Thursday morning.

Friend: "Uh, hello. Lifeguard?"

Lifeguard: "You got him."

Friend: "Hey, um, I had to go out of town for a funeral. Would you go to my house, break in, and record The Masters?"

Lifeguard: "You're kidding, right?"

Friend: "No. I am serious. I am going to take Monday off so that I can watch the tournament. I mean, it's going to be hard to avoid any news on the tournament, but it's really important to me."

Lifeguard: "Um, yeah. What are friends for?"

The Lifeguard understands recording NCIS or The Royal Wedding (The Lifeguard will be in attendance, naturally).

Oh, and on my friend's door, I left this note on Sunday night:

"Holy shit! Who'd have thought that Charl Schwartzel could have pulled off the win?"

Saturday, April 02, 2011

They Are Probably Looking For Some Harassment
The Supreme Court heard oral arguments in what could be the most significant case of the century. The women seek to represent the class in a sex discrimination suit against Wal-Mart, claiming that their experiences are indicative of a culture of discrimination at the Arkansas-based retailer.

Of course, the only winners, if the Supremes uphold the Ninth Circus Court of Appeals (who allowed the certification, 10-9, sitting en banc), are the lawyers who represent the women.

Their fees could be close to a billion dollars, including costs and expenses. Not a bad day's work. Each woman, on the other hand, would end up with about $1,000.00 in back pay and compensation. (Just enough to put down a payment to secure some liposuction or other cosmetic surgery.)

Aside from the fact that certifying a class in a case where every claim of discrimination is different, it smacks of the worst sort of Oprah-style justice, where every man is an ogre, and every woman--all 1.5 million of them--a victim.

One can only hope that the Supremes get this one right.