On My Way to the Polls, a Car Bomb Went Off...

and sent body parts flying. When the dust had settled, and the smoke had cleared, 43 people were dead or dying. Since the polling place was at a school, it was obvious that the location of the car bomb was designed for maximum killing effect. Deval Patrick supporters claimed that the bomb was set off to demonstrate that Kerry Healey, the Republican candidate for Governor of Massachusetts, had bungled the mission in Massachusetts and had no plan for the future. Patrick said that if he was elected, he would redeploy police to an island (Rhode, perhaps) to better meet the threat of an ever-changing world.

Picking through the wreckage of mangled steel and charred flesh, I felt violated. I was no longer safe in my own bucolic community in the suburbs of Boston.

Unfortunately, the cameras were not rolling, and the chattering skulls were silent. Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Chivas Regal) opined that the prisons of the Commonwealth had been re-opened under Republican rule. He then ordered another cocktail and drove off to his next photo-op.

Senator John Kerry (D-My Wife is Richer than Yours) said that if you studied hard, you would get a good job, but if you didn't you would end up in the suburbs, which are more dangerous than Baghdad. He later claimed that he was merely joking, and that what he really meant to say was that if you had voted for Deval Patrick 37 years ago, then Massachusetts would have a tropical climate. Kerry could not be reached for comment because his cell phone does not work while he is kite surfing in Tierra del Fuego.

In other suburbs in America, sectarian violence has marred what would have been a peaceful election day if only the Democrats controlled all 435 seats in the House and all 100 seats in the Senate. And if Al Gore had only won in Florida, where he was cheated out of the election by the Republican party (and Halliburton), then there would be no Global Warming, no poverty, and no guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens.

Said one resident in the suburbs of Philadelphia, "I was only able to vote four times before someone asked me for my license and proof of residence. All of this violence is making me scared to vote, as is my Constitutional right." A suicide bomber, identified as a University of Pennsylvania student, Mahdi Mahdi, screamed "I am voting for Bob Casey!" before shedding his mortal coil.

The uptick in suburban violence was deemed to be yet another example of how the Republicans have let Americans down.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20716640-1702,00.html