Zzzzzzz!

Bubba!

Bagdad (Florida)-born Bubba (Watson) beats....

(That's where the alliteration ends, friends.)

Anyway, the Florida boy beats some South African to win The Masters (which President Obama was not watching because Augusta National doesn't admit women) in an exciting two-hole playoff.  

The Lifeguard, on the other hand, was not watching The Masters.  Not because he was protesting the absence of distaff members of Augusta National; but, because golf on TV is fucking stupid.

For The Lifeguard, watching golf on TV is like watching porn.  Fucking stupid.  (Now, making porn, on the other hand....)

Anyway, here is The Lifeguard's account of Bubba Watson's playoff victory (as written by Kent Babb, of The Kansas City Star).

Blah, blah, blah.  Golf clap.  Blah, blah, blah.  Bogey. Par. Birdie.  Blah, blah, blah.  Tie.  Oosthuizen. Playoff.  Blah, blah, blah.  Watson wins and wears the green jacket.