Friday, April 27, 2012


The Sex Was The Same, But The Dishes Were Piling Up In The Sink

Just in case anyone was wondering why Western Civilisation is so vastly superior to everything else, kindly consider that a proposed Egyptian law will permit men to have "farewell intercourse" with their wives.

So, The Lifeguard was thinking, "That sounds a little intrusive."  Why is there a need for a law that mandates a wife have sex with her husband as part of the process of saying goodbye?  

[Husband]:  "Honey, I'm going to work.  Farewell."

[Wife]:  "Okay, but don't forget to do me first."

Then, The Lifeguard read the article...

Holy fuck!  What the fuck, motherfucker?!?

A law that permits a husband to fuck his wife for up to six hours after her death?  Can we just call in an air strike now?  (The Lifeguard notes that the wife can also fuck her husband after he has died; but, how does that even work?)

This is almost too bizarre to fathom (even from a religion that promises paradise for blowing yourself up); and, The Lifeguard really wasn't sure if this was a joke.  (But, since truth is stranger than fiction, The Lifeguard thinks that it must be true.  And, that we must call in that air strike now.)  Then again, The Lifeguard supposes that this is why women are denied education (and other basic rights) in Muslim countries.

This prompted The Lifeguard to think of his Top Ten comments on the proposed law:
  • 10)  Timing the Viagra becomes really important.  (The Lifeguard supposes that is why the law gives the husband six hours.)
  • 9)  For at least six hours, your wife is in the mood.
  • 8)  The shock of having farewell intercourse, only to find that your wife was alive, and just not that into you.  Ever.
  • 7)  Trying to sneak in a quickie, and going past the six hour mark.  (Why six hours?  Why not eight?  Twenty-four?)
  • 6)  An arrest for going past the six hour limit can't be much more embarrassing than fucking a dead person.
  • 5)  No foreplay!
  • 4)  Pillow-talk becomes extremely one-sided.
  • 3)  You don't have to worry if your wife has a headache.
  • 2)  No cuddling after intercourse.
  • 1)  Two words:  Anal sex!

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