Monday, February 11, 2008

"Show her you know her this Valentine's Day"

But, don't expect to get anything more than a black eye and a large stuffed animal shoved up your ass if you buy her a handmade Vermont Teddy Bear.

Show her you are a tool? Maybe. Show her that you are a thoughtless douche? Perhaps. Give her friends and co-workers a tangible reason to heap scorn and ridicule on your sorry ass if that cardboard box (with air holes poked in the top) arrives at her place of business? Absolutely.

No woman wants stuffed animals (or flowers, for that matter). They want some serious hardware, even if it means some African warlords get hard currency with which to buy AK-47s, RPGs, and 4x4 Toyota Tundras (with bed-mounted machine guns).

She wants bling.

Blood diamonds.

Not a bear.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yes, we do want bling.

but flowers are quite welcome, too. always.