Saturday, January 26, 2008


Except, It Said, "Providence, RI 02918"...

I was at the local Chinese Restaurant, picking up my number 15*, when I saw this rather...um...large woman get out of her mini van (the shock absorbers heaving a sigh of relief) and close the car door. (She was, no doubt, going for the $7.95 All You Can Graze buffet.)

As she did, she dropped something on the ground. When she bent over to pick it up, I was presented with the Mother of all Tramp Stamps.

Now, I understand that the lower back is the location of choice for the Panama City License Plate. This is so because the skin on the lower back is less prone to stretch and sag as the woman ages and grows. At least that is what the Germans tell us.

This was one ugly tattoo; and, one bad Zip Code.

Really, why not "Weston, MA 02493." Maybe, "Greenwich, CT 06830." Wait, usually, women from the more affluent towns do not get such advertising plastered on their backsides.

I would have taken a picture; but, I didn't have my wide angle lens.

*Reminds me of the Chinese couple on their honeymoon. The husband asks his new wife for some 69. She says, "Why do you want beef and broccoli now?"

2 comments:

Dawne said...

What is it about overweight people that irritates you so badly?

The Lifeguard said...

It isn't overweight people, per se.

I have a problem with overweight people who do not try to change their habits. It is one thing to be heavy and trying to eat healthy foods and exercise; it is quite another to be morbidly obese and continue to eat.

I have been (according to the BMI) obese; and, I started exercising, eating less junk, and trying to lose weight and get into shape. I know many beautiful women who carry a few extra pounds; but, who are always working to get fit.

I also have a problem with women (and men) who don't care how they are dressed.

The woman I described (the one with the Hoe Tag) was unkempt. She had on a belly shirt and dirty stretch pants (as evidenced by the stains on them).

I am reminded of a very dear friend of mine who is a good 30 pounds overweight (by her own admission). She dresses expensively, takes exceptional care of herself, and is a fixture at her gym. She is stunning.

As an aside, dressing expensively is not necessary. A trip to Target, or to the sale rack at any decent department store yields great clothes at a fair price.

Finally, I would have written the same post if she had been a fit, firm young woman. In fact, yesterday morning, I stopped for a coffee and the clerk at the convenience store was putting a few things away. She was wearing tight jeans (had it not been for the whale tail, I would have sworn she was not wearing underwear). She had on a zip-up hoodie, worn over a crew neck T-Shirt. And, as she reached for something, I could see her Tramp Stamp.

I felt pretty much the same way as I did when I saw the chick at the Chinese Restaurant.