NEWS FLASH! Hitler Was A Jew
Just when you thought that Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad couldn't get anymore bugfuck crazy, he comes up with yet another gem.
Essentially, Hitler was so averse to Judaism because his Jewish mother was a woman of easy virtue.
That sounds like a reasonable justification for the systematic murder of six million or so Jews.
[Hitler, laying on Dr. Freud's couch.]
Hitler: "My mother was Jewish."
Dr. Freud: "How did that make you feel?"
Hitler: "Like I wanted to establish a homeland for the Jews. You know, create a nation for all Jews, from around the world, to go and live in peace and harmony with their fellow co-religionists. I would like it very much if my mother could live there, too."
Dr. Freud: "So, what did you do about your desire to establish a Jewish nation?"
Hitler: "Well, I came up with a plan. Josef Stalin and I signed a non-aggression pact, and we set about creating a homeland for the Jews. Neville Chamberlain and Franklin Delano Roosevelt were on board, too. I knew that I could effect my plan. I was willing to take Germany to war because I loved the Jews so much."
Dr. Freud: "And what happened next, Adolf?"
Hitler: "I called the plan the 'Final Solution' and I was going to make my dreams a reality. It was going to be a Yom Kippur surprise for all of the Jews of Germany. They were going to love me."
Dr. Freud: "And..."
Hitler: "Some putz found out about my surprise, so I revoked the citizenship of all Jews, rounded them up, loaded them in cattle cars, and shipped them to concentration camps, where I killed them. You know, so they wouldn't ruin the surprise. But, I had the last laugh, because now there is a nation called...Israel. And that I was the 'Father of Israel' is the biggest surprise since I saw Dick Clark hosting the New Year's Eve Special with Times Square. What's up with that mensch?"
Dr. Freud: "Huh?"
Hitler: "And look how I am treated. They never even said thanks for all that I did for them. I mean, you'd think that the Jews would treat me more reverentially. But no...not a word of thanks. Not a bit of thanks. And me, all alone in my bunker. Not one lousy phone call. Not one card. It's just too much for me to take, Dr. Freud."
Dr. Freud: "Oy! Even I feel guilty. Well, Adolf, our time is up, and Saddam, a new patient of mine just arrived. Gotta go."
And Ahmadinejad is the guy that we should be dealing with to ensure peace in the Middle East? The only deal we should make with Mahmoud is that we will have James Baker, Lee Hamilton, and Katie Couric meet him at the lobby bar of the Tehran Hilton...then deliver a couple of JDAMs, you know, as a peace offering.