Thursday, March 29, 2012


Will You Please Shut The Fuck Up!
(And Take Off That Stupid Hat!)

Last week, as the calls for George Zimmerman's scalp grew louder (but before the New Black Panther Party slapped a $10,000.00 bounty on his half-Hispanic head), The Lifeguard was asked for his thoughts on the miscarriage of justice taking place in Sanford, Florida.  

Now, as a former Floridian (The Lifeguard left to get away from all of the damn Yankees, who were moving down south in droves, like rats abandoning the high-tax Titanic that is New England), and witness to the devastation of race riots, The Lifeguard had some thoughts on the subject.  (Come to think of it, The Lifeguard has some thoughts on every subject.)

However, since The Lifeguard was otherwise occupied, this post is coming well after the bloom is off the rose that is Trayvon Martin.  And, frankly, The Lifeguard thinks that the real "miscarriage of justice" arises because of all of the race-baiting hucksters looking to get their fame ticket punched for another fifteen minutes of face time.

The Lifeguard's first thought on hearing the 911 tape ("He looks like he's on drugs") was, "The kid was probably on drugs, jonesin' for some junk food."  (Iced tea and Skittles would not have been The Lifeguard's choice.)  It turns out that The Lifeguard (and George Zimmerman) might just have been correct, as Trayvon had been suspended from school for possession of a marijuana pipe and a baggie with some pot residue.

Then, The Lifeguard asked, "Who the fuck gives a kid a name like 'Trayvon'?"  "Seriously?  It's a tragedy that a 17 year old might have been accidentally shot; but, "Trayvon"?  As a parent, you are asking for bad shit to happen to your little bundle of joy.  (Also bad:  DaSean, Nushawn, DeTroyt, Taqueisha, and Shaniqua. The Lifeguard gives Shaquille O'Neal, Anfernee Hardaway, and Benjarvus Green-Ellis (to name three) passes for succeeding in spite of their made-up names.)

And finally, as for profiling, The Lifeguard doesn't understand the problem.  That shit works.  (There was a day when "profiling" was called "good police work."). The Lifeguard has been profiled.  (Young male + expensive European sedan + Miami at 2:00am = "License and registration, please.")  Seriously, if you want to avoid problems with the police/Neighbourhood Watch-types, don't look/act like the majority of criminals with whom they interact.    (Hoodie=Hoodlum?)  Especially if you are a visiting a gated community.  And, don't jump on someone--it appears that Trayvon engaged first--in Florida, because that cat might just be packin' heat.

The Lifeguard:  "Let me tell you how that shit went down. Zimmerman called 911, followed the stranger, then got jumped. Once he was attacked, it was kill-or-be-killed for Zim."

Other Person:  "Racist. You don't know.  You weren't there."

The Lifeguard:  "No, but The Lifeguard was 17, once."

Other Person:  "So?"

The Lifeguard:  "So, the kid--full of piss and vinegar--probably said, 'Whatchoo doin' followin' me?  I finna kick yo' cracker ass.'  Then, he took a swing at him.  The injuries support the claim that the ZimmerMan was getting his ass kicked."

OP:  "You weren't there."

TL:  "No, but The Lifeguard bets he is pretty close."

And, he was.

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