Thursday, January 26, 2012

Sure, Blame Newt...

"Newt Cost Me The Presidency."
Former Senator (and runner-up in the 1996 presidential race) Bob Dole blamed Newt Gingrich for his loss, while endorsing Governor Mitt Romney for the 2012 edition of Republican Idol.


First of all, The Lifeguard thought Bob Dole was dead.  (Actually, The Lifeguard thought that Bob Dole was dead after seeing Bob Dole's debate performances back in 1996.)  

The Lifeguard thought Bob Dole lost in 1996 because Bob Dole was the Mitt Romney of the day.  (That is to say, the "Mitt Romney, with bad hair, a bad hand, and ED.")

Steady, reliable, next in line.  (And zero chance that he'll fuck an intern because...well...draw your own conclusions.)

But, Bob Dole has some sort of axe to grind with Newt, apparently.  Bob Dole doesn't like the Freddie Mac gig, the serial infidelities, the fact that Newt has a working penis.  Bob Dole is angry that Newt shut down the government when he was House Speaker.  Bob Dole is annoyed that Newt had balls back in the '90s, and that Newt has balls now.  Bob Dole is...well...a grumpy old man.

Face it.  Bob Dole was a bad choice in 1996, and he's asking Republicans to make a bad choice now.

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