The Lifeguard Wants A Chain Of Volt Dealerships Throughout The Middle East
The Chevy Volt is a wonder of American engineering, not unlike the Ford Pinto, the Chevy Corvair, and the AMC Pacer.
Unlike the Pacer, it's actually kind of sporty.
Unlike the Corvair, it has good handling.
Unlike the Pinto, it doesn't burst into.... Wait! It does burst into flame!
So, The Lifeguard has developed a modest proposal to help the government of the United States recoup the billions of taxpayer dollars flushed down the General Motors rat-hole.
Hundreds of thousands of Chevy Volts sold to Al Qaeda, the Taliban, and the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.
These suicide bombermobiles don't even need to be fitted with explosives (or timers) to burst into flame.
Imagine the efficiency (and reduction of greenhouse gases) that will come about as a result of the sale of these babies in the tinder box that is the broader Middle East.
Mahmoud: "Abdul, you have been selected to be a martyr for Allah."
Abdul: "Allah be praised. Where is my suicide bomber vest?"
Mahmoud: "No need for that. We have purchased a 2011 Chevy Volt for you. Simply drive it over to the Sbarro--it's only about ten miles away--and it will burst into flame, slaughtering many infidels."
Abdul: [Pulling up outside of the Sbarro] "Allahu akbar!" [Puff!]
No longer do the enemies of The Great Satan (or, The Little Satan) have to risk premature explosions of IEDs and suicide bomber vests. They can ride in air conditioned comfort (as long as the ride isn't more than 35 miles) to their penultimate destination. (Next stop, Paradise!)
And, given the vast numbers of prospective martyrs, each driving a $40,000.00 Chevy Volt, The General could make a killing. (Literally.)
So, The Lifeguard will be contacting President Obama (who remains, not a Muslim) with this business opportunity.