This Is So Wrong...
Not the fact that this young woman, Jakadrien Turner was deported (even though she was an American citizen); but, the fact that she claimed to be Tika Lanay Cortez (an illegal immigrant, from Colombia) at every turn.
It seems that young Jakadrien ran away from her Dallas home in November, 2010. (Probably because her mother, Johnisa had named her Jakadrien.) When she was picked up for stealing (in Houston), she insisted that her name was Tika Lanay Cortzez (which is only slightly less bad a name than Jakadrien Turner). She was processed through the system (where she was represented by a defence attorney) and eventually deported to Colombia, where she was enrolled in a "Welcome Home" programme and given a job in a call centre. (A call centre! Even though she didn't speak Spanish.)
Wait! The Lifeguard is actually not surprised that a non-Spanish speaking person would be given a job in a call centre. (Who the hell needs to speak the language to be in customer service?)
Subsequently, Jakadrien got tired of working, cleared up the identity issues, and went on welfare...in Colombia. (Before the age of 18, Jakadrian has managed the rare feat of being on welfare in not one, but two countries.) Her return to the United States was facilitated through her grandmother's use of Facebook, which has added a "Find deported relatives with stupid names" app.
She returned to the United States last night to crowds, cameras, her parents (well, her grandmother and mother*), and her attorney, Ray Jackson. (Jakadrien is going for the trifecta: Welfare in two countries, and a big-ass settlement after her lawyer sues the United States of America.)
Of course, this begs the question, "From what (or whom) was she running?"
It takes a lot to choose deportation to a Third World country (sorry Colombia) over living in Dallas (or Houston). It seems to The Lifeguard that this is a young woman, with a young and immature mother (after all, it was the grandmother who tracked her down), desperately in need of some attention. (The Lifeguard also notes that this is just about the fastest deportation ever. Ever. Would that we could deport the real illegal aliens just as quickly.)
There is so much that is wrong with this story, and the fact that the media reports that a teen-aged American was deported causes most people to stop listening to the rest of the facts. (Not only to stop listening, but to disregard them completely.) The Lifeguard hopes that when this case goes to the jury (and it will), that the veniremen will see that if anyone is at fault, it was Jakadrien. (Of course, The Lifeguard doesn't believe that for a second. Jakadrien will have her own reality show on OWN, a big award, and government housing.)
*The Lifeguard will not point out the conspicuous absence of Jakadrien's father.