The Four Amigos got on the stage at the University of North Florida to duke it out, one last time, before the Florida Primary. Of course, it took The Lifeguard about 30 minutes to find the show. (It was on CNN. Nobody watches CNN anymore. In fact, The Lifeguard didn't know that he even got CNN on his cable package.)
As has come to be expected, The Lifeguard has a few thoughts on the big show.
- Mitt and Newt get into it over Mitt's Swiss bank account. Mitt gives a reasonable answer (about his blind trust); but, The Lifeguard remembers the blind trust being the punchline of a joke during the presidency of Bush The Elder. The Lifeguard thinks that Obama is champing at the bit to get an opponent who has a numbered Swiss account and a blind trust.
- The Lifeguard wonders if President Obama put his birth certificate in a blind trust.
- Mitt all but calls Newt a panderer, saying whatever people in a given state want to hear to win. (The Lifeguard thinks he hears a pot calling.) Newt absolutely schools Mitt on how the primaries are the chance for the candidates to see what is important to the people of the several states.
- Newt wants a colony on the moon? That might become a state? The Lifeguard doesn't even know what to say to that. (Except maybe to agree that we shouldn't cede space to China.)
- Did Ron Paul just say that he wanted to get rid of the 16th Amendment? Yes!
- A question about which wife will be the best First Lady. Really? Who gives a fuck. Romney talks about his wife being a breast cancer survivor. How does that make her a good First Lady? Santorum and Paul talk lovingly about their wives. Santorum's wife was a nurse and a lawyer. Impressive. Newt, talking about Callista, gives the best answer of all.
- A question about Cuba. The Lifeguard tends to agree with Ron Paul about sanctions against Cuba being a bad idea. Mitt Romney couldn't specifically respond to Ron Paul's comments, when asked. Really? You can't just ignore the one sane thing that Ron Paul said.
- A question from a self-described Palestinian-American-Republican. What the fuck? Doesn't anyone remember when Palestinians were Arabs?
- For the record, The Lifeguard knew that there would be some question about Puerto Rico. He just didn't think it'd be such a stupid one. There is a better chance that there will be a state on the moon before Puerto Rico becomes a state.
- The Lifeguard would love to see the candidates do keg stands.
- Newt sounds presidential. Not petty.
- A question on rebuilding America. Rick Santorum just doesn't seem passionate about anything. He's like a white Barack Obama, when it comes to speaking style. (Without the TelePrompTer and with a birth certificate.) Come to think about it, The Lifeguard could say the same about Mitt.
- Post-debate, we learn that Mitt has a new...debate coach? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? A debate coach? It is pretty apparent that the CNN folks love Willard. (And, hate Newt.)