Tuesday, June 19, 2012


Not Guilty
The last (mostly sports) edition of Speedos! was not well received.  The Lifeguard suspects that it was because of the tasteless (in some circles) WWII reference (regarding the Russia v. Poland football match), or because there were no pictures of hot chicks kissing each other.

  • Former Red Sox et al. fastballer, Roger Clemens was found not guilty, in his  retrial, by a jury of eight women and four men.  Following a ten week trial, the jury deliberated for a total of ten hours before rendering their verdict.  Apparently, the jury found the government's case to be lacking.  (Or, they were fed up by the colossal waste of time, money, and resources spent by said government chasing people who might have used performance-enhancing drugs.)
  • If you are a government lawyer, and you can't get Guiltys on Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens, you should swallow the pipe.  Seriously, you can't get a guilty verdict on two of the biggest assholes in baseball?  You get a second shot at Clemens, and you can't convict?  What a fucking douche.
  • Speaking of fucking douches, who are talentless lawyers, Attorney General Eric Holder continues his dance with Congressman Darrell Issa (R-CA).  Of course, Holder probably figures that if the government can't convict well-known assholes like Bonds and Clemens, he's gonna go scot-free, regardless of what he does.
  • If it's racist to call President Obama "cool", isn't "scot-free" also offensive?
  • If Congress can prosecute people who lie to them, why can't the people prosecute Congress for lying to us.  (Actually, we can.  It's called "Election Day.")
  • [UPDATE]  Adidas cancels "Shackle Shoes."  For the wrong reason.
  • President Barack Hussein Obama (who did not cross the border illegally) stirred the shit by appearing to bow to Felipe Calderon, the Mexican president.  But, giving BHO the benefit of the doubt, it may have something to do with the fact that Calderon is about two feet shorter than the Preezy of the Heezy.
  • Speaking of the PotH, is The Lifeguard the only one who is appalled by the recent decision to not deport 18-30 year olds?  Really?  Sure, they say that these immigrants are only getting work permits, not citizenship. Of course, their anchor babies will be born as US citizens.  And, since the policy is to "keep families together," there isn't a single person going home.  (In other words, "Welcome to America" to about 10 million people.)
  • In defence of the PotH, they'll probably all vote Democrat.
  • There are few countries that are more fucked up than Syria.  (Sure, North Korea and most of the countries in Africa are fucked up, but Syria is fucked up in prime time.)
  • The world might need a man like President Obama.  America most certainly does not.
  • A Bedford County (Virginia) dog received a voter registration form in the mail.  The dog was dead.  Thank God all of those illegals that Obama just let in last Friday won't be able to vote.  
  • The Lifeguard just learned of the all-girls school, in Quebec, where a hypnosis demonstration went awry, leaving all of the girls in a trance.  The Lifeguard is sorry he missed it.  Wait!  The girls were 12 and 13.  Never mind.  
  • R. Kelly is really sorry he missed it.
That's enough for now, y'all.

Have a great day.

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