How Else Can The Lifeguard Get Your Attention?
Well, with awesome commentary on the news of the world, of course. (The pictures that appeal to the prurient interest don't hurt, either.)
- Yesterday, it was reported that President Barack Hussein Obama (who is not a Kenyan-born Muslim) flies his barber in from Chicago. Twice a month. I guess he couldn't find a barber who can cut "black hair" in Washington, D.C. Thank Christ he's not delaying flights at the airport to get a haircut.
- Another day, another failed Green Energy company. First Solar (FSLR) dropped 6.3% on May 31, 2012, bringing losses for the month to a cool 40%. Thank Christ they only got about $3 billion in loan guarantees.
- John Edwards, the disgraced former North Carolina senator (and one-time vice presidential candidate) was acquitted on one count and got a hung jury on the other counts of campaign finance violations. The judge declared a mistrial, and the government will decline a second attempt to convict. If only Roger Clemens were as likable as John Edwards. Wait! They are both assholes. Okay, so if Roger Clemens had only been the vice presidential candidate. Or, had a father who was a mill worker. Or, a wife who died of cancer. No, all he did was win SEVEN CY YOUNG AWARDS.
- The Lifeguard thinks that the government should have given The Rocket a pass after the first mistrial. (As it seems they are going to do with John Edwards.)
- Watching Fox News, whose chiron refers to the Scripps National Spelling Bee as the "Scripts National Spelling Bee." Seriously?
- Florida officials are chastised (and threatened by the DoJ) for purging voter rolls of illegal voters. What? Since when is protecting the currency of American citizenship against the law? (Rhetorical question, don't answer.) Aw, hell, The Lifeguard will go ahead and answer it anyway. "When we elected a Kenyan-born president."
- Apparently, it's okay to say anything to get invited to a luncheon. (Or, get elected to the presidency.)
- One of the iconic characters in the DC Comics stable, Green Lantern, is coming out of the closet. Could this be a result of Joe Biden saying that he liked Green Lantern? Because Ryan Reynolds was the star of Green Lantern? Or, because Jim Parsons (who plays Sheldon Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D.) loves Green Lantern?
- Does this have anything to do with Justice League's recent abolition of Don't Ask Don't Tell? Or, the granting of the right of Same Sex Marriage to Justice League members?
- Is the above picture actually Diana Prince with her lover?
- Can you believe that The Lifeguard devoted four bullets to this subject?
- The Lifeguard recently overheard someone saying that they were going to commit "Ghetto Suicide." When The Lifeguard asked what that was, he said, "That's when I run into the projects shouting racial epitaphs."
- A middle school band director, who had been named "teacher of the year" was arrested for "sexting" with a 15 year old student. The Lifeguard notes that the sex of the student is mentioned in paragraph three of the article. (Because, in the first paragraph, they tell you he is the band director.) He has been placed on administrative leave.
It's Friday, people.
The Lifeguard wishes you all a great weekend.
Now, where is Diana Prince's effin' telephone number?