Slaves Preferred Nikes
Another item in the "You Can't Make This Shit Up" department:
German shoe manufacturer, Adidas, is planning a hot new pair of shoes, the JS Roundhouse Mids. Of course, there is outrage because they are the ugliest fucking trainers The Lifeguard has ever seen.
Wait! Actually, the outrage is over the bright orange shackles, which critics have compared to the ankle bracelets worn by slaves, prisoners, and members of a chain gang. Of course, the controversy a clever advertising ploy by Adidas, to build interest for the hideous shoes. Noted one Adidas lover, "People put their wallets or keys on chains, why not their shoes? And, at these prices, you'll want to keep your Felony Flyers close. What better way than ankle bracelets and chains?"
Do we really have to make these shoes about slavery? The real crime is that people who can ill-afford shoes that make a fashion statement will shell out money so that they can look cool. (Apologies to Angela Rye. The Lifeguard had forgotten the "cool" is a racist term.)
Meanwhile, youths in Detroit have already started lining up to pre-order these ugly-ass shoes.