Spiffy!

It Looks Better On Her

There was no room for the "s"; but, y'all get the idea, right?

• She of the Incredibly Toned Arms hosted an official "Kids' State Dinner" where she served 'Cabbage Sloppy Joes' and 'Zucchini Fries.'  The menu was "...composted [sic] of winning recipes..." submitted by children from across the country.  Freudian slip?  Feed kids enough compost, and they will never be fat.
• Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo), who made headlines (in a bad way), has been dis-invited to the Republican National Convention.  While The Lifeguard believes in freedom of speech, and a person's right to make stupid (or offensive) statements, The Lifeguard thinks that this shitweasel, Akin, has got to go.
• Is there any other kind of rape but the forcible kind?
• Isn't what Congress does to our country, on a daily basis, under colour of law, their idea of legitimate rape?  (Actually, they call it saving us from ourselves; but, The Lifeguard will go with rape.)
• Will Joseph Kennedy, III's--who is running for Barney Frank's seat--comment, that Tel Aviv is the capital of Israel, get half as much attention as Todd Akin's stupid-ass comment? 
• Does anyone want to be thought of as "running for Barney Frank's seat?" 
• There is a shortage of farm labour in California this year; but, yet, California has a rather high unemployment rate.  Um...jobs?  Unemployed workers?  It seems like a no-brainer to The Lifeguard. Maybe the unemployed can take that high-speed rail to the jobs.
• Maybe $9.25 an hour doesn't seem like it's that much; but, it's still $9.25 an hour.  (Semi-skilled workers can make $12-18.00 per hour.)  Of course, if one gets that for staying home, collecting a welfare check, maybe it's not all that attractive.  And, shouldn't this be an issue in the presidential campaign?
• A syphilis outbreak has shut down the porn industry.  Actors are being notified and tested, as they rush to deal with this sexually transmitted disease.  Over 1,000 performers are out of work as a consequence of the outbreak, and these jobs are likely to go offshore.  Shouldn't this also be an issue in the presidential campaign?
• Actually, it shouldn't.  The Lifeguard would just like to hear Vice Presidential Biden talk porn on one of the Sunday chat shows.
• Speaking of rape, Nike is going to be selling the new LeBron X shoe for $315.00 a pair.  Nike has established rules for retailers, to ensure security at the release of the shoes for sale.  Increased security.  For the sale of sneakers.  What is the world coming to?  The next thing you'll tell The Lifeguard, the stores won't be allowed to take EBT cards for the purchase of these pumped up kicks.
• The Lifeguard doesn't think that being $315.00 lighter will help you to run faster than a bullet.
• Twenty-one visible piercings.  (The number on the clerk at the supermarket.)  This requires no further comment.

Lifeguard, out!