The London 2012 edition, just for you.
- British swimmer, Rebecca Adlington (pictured above) won a bronze medal in the 400m freestyle. She was nosed out--which is pretty hard to believe--by the Frenchwoman, Camille Muffat, and the American, Allison Schmitt. (This marks the first time in history that France has ever beaten the US and Great Britain at anything.)
- In gymnastics, the U.S. women won a gold medal for the first time since 1996. The Lifeguard could not care less. Now, if a 5'11" Michelle Obama, with legs (and those famously toned arms), participated....
- Why is it that the press swoons over the FLOTUS (and her $6,800.00 jacket) and ridicules Ann Romney for her $990.00 blouse? [Rhetorical question.] Both articles of clothing were pretty fucking hideous, which suggests to The Lifeguard that Jacobim Mugatu's Derelicte line will be a smashing success.
- In no universe does Mrs. Obama put the Duchess of Cambridge to shame.
- Vincent Hancock (USA) won a gold medal in skeet shooting. Kim Rhode (USA) won the women's gold medal in skeet shooting. The two lines of this bullet equals all of the media attention that this sport has gotten.
- Do you have any idea how elusive skeet are? Did anyone think to mention the goodwill that will be gained by sending the dead skeet to feed the hungry children in Africa?
- Gore Vidal is dead, at 86. (The Lifeguard didn't even know he was sick.)
- The Baltimore Bullet, Michael Phelps, becomes the most successful Olympian ever. Ever. How cool is that?
- The Lifeguard saw an interview with Michael Phelps' agent. How sad is it that Olympians compete, not for the love (or glory) of sport, but for the endorsement dough from Head & Shoulders.
- Some Saudi chick will compete in the +78kg category in judo, in a hijab. After seeing the athlete, The Lifeguard suggests a burqa.
- Isn't it ironic that a Muslim will compete in judo?
- The Lifeguard doesn't see why it matters. No one will be watching the judo competition anyway.
- Chinese swimmer, Ye Shiwen (who looks more like a Chinese boy than a Chinese girl), won gold in the 200m IM. She said that she had not taken performance-enhancing drugs, and that everyone should ignore the bulge in her suit, her Adam's Apple, and her deep voice.
More Olympic commentary later.