Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Yeah, baby!

©2010-2012 ~bakarli


Admit it.  You’ve missed The Lifeguard.

  • The Lifeguard was talking to a comely young woman, who had recently read the blog.  She said that she found it disgusting.  The Lifeguard said, “Hey, it’s not like anyone stripped you naked, tied you up with silk cords, and forced you to read it.”  (Well, The Lifeguard did strip her naked and tie her up with silk cords, but he didn’t make her read the blog.)
  • There are now calls, by Muslim fundamentalists, to destroy the Pyramids because they are "symbols of paganism."  The Lifeguard has three thoughts on this topic.  First, I am sure that if we planted an American flag on top of the Great Pyramid, the Islamist radicals could find a bunch of dipshits willing to hijack planes to use as guided missiles.  Second, if there weren't Pyramids in Egypt, would anyone want to visit Egypt?  Third, we could let the Post Office manage them.  They'd be broke (and gone) in about two years.
  • The Lifeguard thinks that Disney should be commissioned to recreate the Pyramids in the Arizona desert.  Make it an amusement park.  It's a win-win.  It creates high paying construction jobs, it's good for tourism (because, frankly, who doesn't want to go to Disneyland), and the stream of illegal aliens coming across the border could either be hired as actors (portraying Egyptians) or charged $35.00 for admission.
  • Islamists destroyed tombs at the famous Djingareyber mosque, in Timbuktu.  Islamists are an angry and destructive bunch, aren't they?  And yet, those "peaceful" Muslims never seem to say anything against the fanatics.  (Maybe because they are afraid of getting shot, stabbed, or otherwise blown up by the crazies.)
  • To celebrate the 40th anniversary of Title IX, the US Olympic team has more women than men.  Who.  Cares.
  • President Barack Hussein Obama (who still is 100% Grade A non-Muslim from Hawaii) has a brother, George Obama, who lives in Kenya.  In a mud hut.  The Lifeguard wonders.  Why is he not living in public housing in Boston, or working in a package store in Framingham?  (Not that Auntie Zeituni or Uncle Omar get any love from the Preezy of the Heezy.  As far as you know.)  
  • Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick (D-uh) vetoed EBT card reform.  Because people in need shouldn't have to beg for their benefits.  (You know, the benefits used to pay for manicures, tattoos, and porn.)
  • The MLB All Star Game was played last night.  A bunch of guys who get paid a shitload of money for playing a game took the field in a contest called by Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.  
  • The Lifeguard can't watch (or listen) to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.  (Thank Christ Joe Morgan wasn't on the game.  Now that's a trifecta of stupid.)
That's enough for today, y'all.


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