Thursday, May 31, 2007

No Wonder People Hate Lawyers

Giant assbag, Andrew Speaker, Esquire--an Atlanta personal injury lawyer--has asked forgiveness from all of the passengers on not one, but two, airplanes. Forgiveness for what, you ask? Kicking the back of the seat? Constantly getting out of his window seat to go to the toilet? For having gas, and farting his way forth and back from Europe? A big "no" to all of those.

Actually, he asked forgiveness from his fellow travelers for exposing them to an extremely drug-resistant strain of tuberculosis (XDR-TB). Not a particularly virulent strain (according to Speaker, his father (also an attorney), and his father-in-law (who works at the Centers for Disease Control); but, one that might ultimately require him to have the diseased tissue excised, if the drugs used for treatment fail to have an effect.

What a selfish prick. And, not only does he put hundreds of innocents at risk (including some college students from the University of South Carolina-Aiken), he also endangered the love of his life, Sarah (and her child). And, while it might be comforting that his "...sputum sample is...not teeming with bacteria," the fact remains that the mortality rate for this type of TB is as high as fifty (50%) percent.

So now, this hump is cooling his heels in the National Jewish Research Center, in Denver, Colorado. He is in a clean room, taking oral and IV drugs, and apologising to whomever will listen to his sorry white ass.

TB Andy becomes the first person quarantined since 1963, and his behaviour is certain to spawn several hundred lawsuits from his fellow passengers who are now sweating it out, waiting for the results from their TB tests. So many lawsuits, in fact, that former Senator John Edwards is contemplating leaving the presidential race to represent them in a giant class-action lawsuit, naming Air France, CSA, the CDC, and the United States of America as defendants. (He will decline to sue TB Andy out of a sense of professional courtesy, and the fact that TB Andy is just another victim of the Bush Administration's policies on health care.)

The sad thing--the thing that all of the Compassionate Conservatives fail to recognise--is that TB Andy is an example of what we can expect if the wrong-headed amnesty for illegal aliens, supported by President Bush, Senator Kennedy, and so many others, is rammed down our throats. The occurrence of TB in the United States is far greater among the illegal immigrant population than among the indigenous peoples of the United States.

Consequently, if we grant a pass to the twelve to twenty million illegals, we can expect the TB Andy scenario played out a hundred times, or more. He exposed a few hundred folks to XDR-TB, and there is already a massive toll being taken on the health care system. Imagine the havoc a few hundred of these asshats could wreak on the nation's health care infrastructure.

So, the solution: No amnesty for illegals, and we keep TB Andy locked away--quarantined, if you will--for a good long time, at his expense.

In fact, TB Andy should have to reimburse the insurers, the CDC, and anyone else put out by his selfish and insensitive frolic.


Rob said...

This picture reminds me of the woman from Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo. You know, the one with the penis for a nose?

Wait, I can not be the only one to have seen that film.

Anonymous said...

no, but i think you're the only one who liked it.

and the woman looks like the lovely and twatty paris hilton with a hospital mask on.

Rob said...

Like a pre-incarceration Paris Hilton.

Nice. Very nice.

As for Deuce Bigelow (I and II), they are hilarious.