Saturday, March 10, 2007

They Needed This For The Titanic

Last night, I was sitting on the couch, watching Rocky IV. This is, in my humble opinion, the second-best of the Rocky Series (followed by Rocky III, Rocky Balboa, Rocky II, and the abyssmal Rocky V).

In the film, one gets the beauty of The Hardest Working Man in Show Business (performing "Living in America"), as well as some great training scenes.

I am reminded of a story told by Speaker of the House, Tip O'Neill, who had visited President Reagan, in hospital, following the assassination attempt. O'Neill said that Reagan looked so frail in the hospital bed, and he placed his hand on the President's arm. He remarked that Reagan's arms were like steel cables, and he asked how he had gotten so strong. The President replied, "From splitting wood." O'Neill said later that he tried splitting wood, and it was no easy task. That if the President, then in his 70s, could do it, we had nothing to worry about in terms of his strength.

Anyway, a commercial comes on, and I was both appalled, and laughing.

It seems that three lovelies are sunbathing on the rooftop of an apartment building. One of them looks up, and sees that the water tank on top of the building is about to burst.

Thinking quickly, she reaches into her handbag and pulls out a super-absorbent tampon, which she flings at the now rupturing tank, soaking up the water and saving the day.

Now, this is so wrong on so many different levels. First, is there ever that much liquid? And, if so, I don't want to know about it. What if this chick goes swimming in a pool? Will it all be sucked into her hoochie? What happens to her when 50,000 gallons of water gets absorbed into her tampon? Will she explode?

Second, what in the hell are the network folks thinking when they run this ad during a manly film like Rocky IV? Maybe Steel Magnolias. Are the men watching Rocky IV so whipped that they want to know about this product so that they can buy them for their women?

And third, what about other uses for this product? Will ExxonMobil put a box on all of their supertankers (in the event of another Prince William Sound debacle)? Leaky basement? Don't call Boston Basements, just buy a box of tampons.

Let us simply say that I did not need to see that; nor, did I need to know about it. Really.


Anonymous said...

this was so wrong, for so many reasons

Cartooniste said...

oh, sack up, man! you've been dating women for... heck you're in your forties.... at least ten years, right? don't pretend that this is a new area.
1. that ad sounds @#$# hilarious
2. 12 grams is nothing to sniff at
3. who says women don't like Rocky?
I have to sit through "natural male enhancement" ads whenever i watch nightowl cable. surely you can manage.

Rob said...

No, it is not a new area, Cartooniste. In fact, I found it pretty damned funny. As I said, I laughed pretty hard. And, unlike the "natural male enhancement" ads you reference, these tampons really do I have heard.

Just don't ask me to buy 'em for you; and, don't ask me to carry 'em in my cargo pants (if I owned cargo pants).

As for women liking Rocky, I was making a broad generalisation. Women with class, women that I want to be around, like Rocky.

Anonymous said...

i just snorted...

Cartooniste said...

In the seventies, real men ate quiche. In the eighties, real men ate bran muffins. In the nineties, real men had goatees. And in the oughts, real men buy Tampax.
Just like real women buy toe fungus spray. (You know who you are.)

Anonymous said...

the question is, will real men carry your purse for you AND buy you your tampon of choice?

Rob said...

This real man draws the line at buying, or carrying, tampons.

I don't even own the tampon pants worn by those pussy-whipped morons who buy and transport their significant other's feminine hygeine products.

Other items I will neither buy nor carry:

The latest issue of "O" magazine; a Summer's Eve douche (even if you think it will make you feel fresh as a daisy); and, your sex toys (even if you are embarrassed to carry a 10" dildo).

By the way, "dildo" is a funny word.

Anonymous said...

I was just thinking about this, and frankly, if you have The Lifeguard, you don't need a 10" dildo.

The Lifeguard said...

Dildo. Hahahaha! Dildo.