Thursday, March 22, 2007

Just Put Your Lips Together And Blow...
Vivica A. Fox, an actress most famous for her appearances on Dancing With The Stars, got done for operating under the influence. She failed a field sobriety test (which is optional, is not a test of sobriety, and which should, under no circumstances, be taken); and, she blew greater than 0.08 on the Breathalyzer (another test which should never be taken).
She was released the morning after her arrest.
This whole sordid incident begs the question, shouldn't sobriety testing be like Dancing With The Stars? The suspect could do a dance, be judged by a few cops, with the viewers of Cops calling in to place their votes on the best celebrity drunk.
Maybe Simon Cowell could get in on the act.
Drunk Actor: "Lissen, ossifer. I am completely soooooooooober. I only had two beers. Really."
Officer: "Sure, pal."
Drunk Actor: "Are you a Jew? Jews run this town, you know."
Officer: "Randy?"
Randy: "Yo, dawg. You wuz like, on fire. You made that 9-step walk and turn your own. And even though you were a bit pitchy on the ABCs, I think you wuz sober."
Paula: [Obviously shitfaced] "I agree with Randy. May I have another cocktail? I mean, Coke? You were so good, and the Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus test, well your eyes followed the pen very smoothly."
Officer: "And you, Simon?"
Simon: "Mr. Gibson was obviously shit-hammered. He was very poorly prepared for the test, and the crack about Jews was over the top."
Ryan: "Ladies and gentlemen, text your vote to 696969. Seacrest, out."
As an aside, isn't there a part of you that knows that she was secretly hoping to get nailed, if for no other reason than to give her (lack of a) career a boost. After all, the only bad publicity is no publicity.

1 comment:

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