Saturday, March 02, 2013

The World Didn't End

News Flash!
The Lifeguard woke up this morning, expecting Sequestergeddon.  Instead, he discovered three Lufthansa stewardess uniforms, eight empty bottles of Pol Roger, and four naked Lufthansa stewardesses.  (The Lifeguard is, as of this writing, uncertain where the fourth stewardess came from, or where her uniform is.)

In any event, The Lifeguard thought that this would be a good time for a Sequestered edition of Speedos!  (Especially since The Lifeguard will be sequestered with the stewardesses during their layover.)

  • The TSA (Travel Sucks Already) is instituting a hiring freeze, which could lead to a doubling of wait times at the nation's busiest airports.  So, that means that we'll have to wait twice as long for shitty treatment, groping by incompetent morons, and lax security.
  • The TSA is headed by a guy named John Pistole.  Pistole.  
  • The Lifeguard thinks that armed pilots would be a boon to airline security.  (Unfortunately, the Preezy of the Heezy does not.)
  • Sequestration cuts led to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) releasing 2,000 detainees. 
  • Does the Department of Homeland Security ever do anything to ensure homeland security? 
  • Illegal immigrants with drug-resistant tuberculosis might be running around the United States..  The Lifeguard wonders how ObamaCare will deal with these folks, especially given the fact that this is one of the biggest threats to world health.  (The drug-resistant TB, not ObamaCare.)
  • The Lifeguard wonders how long it will take for the first lawsuit to be filed as a result of exposure to the infected immigrant.  Or, how much it will cost to treat the other illegal immigrants who were infected.  Or, how much it will cost the United States to bring their relatives to the US.  Or, whether anyone cares.
  • Taco Bell discovered horse meat in tacos.  The Lifeguard is shocked.  (Not that there was horse meat in the tacos; but, rather, that there was any meat at all.)
That's enough for now, y'all.

Enjoy the sequester.

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