Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Weep For The Future...

There Should Be A Test...

and I will write it. Of course, it will be in English; and, one must show proof of United States citizenship to sit for it. A score of 90 will get you into the voting booth. Anything less, well, you are just too fucking stupid to make decisions about who will sit in the big boy chair at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Some of the possible questions:

Ford was a:

a) Theatre
b) President
c) Automobile maker
d) Modeling agency
e) All of the above

True or False: Abraham Lincoln once suspended Habeas Corpus, freed the slaves, and was a Republican.

True or False: A Democrat President created the Environmental Protection Agency, the National Park Service, and Earth Day.

Senator Joseph McCarthy (R-WI) was:

a) Right about the proliferation of communists in the State Department and in the Roosevelt and Truman Adminsitrations
b) A typical scare-mongering Republican, who ruined countless lives
c) Vindicated by the declassification of Venona and KGB files
d) A mean, lying drunk who hurt Democrats by questioning their patriotism and loyalty to the United States of America
e) a and c
f) b and d

There will be a time limit, and the prospective voter will have to pay $10.00 to take the test and vote. But, don't worry, there will be a tax credit, so when that voter's tax return is submitted, he (or she) will get the money back...after a fashion.

I hit upon this brilliant idea after watching a panel of Ohio University students explain why they were supporting Senator B. Hussein Obama (D-Mud Hut in Kenya).

Of the five students questioned, not a single one gave an answer that even remotely approached a coherent thought. All of the viewers watching the panel discussion are now dumber for having heard the responses.

Question: "What has Senator Obama done in the Senate?"

Student 1 (a black woman): "I don't know. I feel he has a lot of apathy for the poor."

[Me spitting my Starbucks coffee all over my desk. "For fuck's sake! Apathy? Apathy? Maybe you mean 'empathy'...or 'sympathy'? Get a dictionary, you stupid cow."]

Question: "What legislation has Senator Obama sponsored?"

Student 2 (a pretty, guilt-laden white woman): "You're putting me on the spot, so I can not answer."

Question: "What about you?"

Student 3 (a jockish white male with a bad haircut and a goatee): "I'm sure he's been responsible for a lot. I just can not name anything."

Question: "Same question."

Student 4 (another white guy): "He sponsored fifty (count 'em, fifty) health care bills when he was in the Illinois Legislature."

[Spitting more coffee on my desk. "Why, in the name of all that is holy, did he need fifty bills? Did the people of Illinois need fifty more laws?"]

Student 5 (Emo white guy): "I can tell you one thing he didn't do. He didn't support the illegal war in Iraq."

My head hurts. These idiots are our future. And, the future looks grim.

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