"I'd vote for her."

Senator Hillary! (D-NY), the not-so-front-runner has just learned that she may well have the upper hand in the 2008 Presidential race. As a consequence of environmental researchers having nothing better to do, they have learned that liposuctioned fat can be converted to bio diesel. No shit.

In fact, one of Hillary!'s supporters*, Pete Bethune hopes to skipper his (ugly) powerboat, Earthrace on a carbon-neutral circumnavigation, courtesy of bio diesel, some of which was squeezed from fat folks. In fact, enough bio diesel was produced from just three people--Bethune and two others--to make the vessel travel 15km.

Which brings us back to Hillary!

Wait, a gratuitous fat joke at Christmas? No, I couldn't do that. Too mean.

I mean, really, it would be too easy to say that Hillary!'s ass would be the biggest oil find since Prudhoe Bay. And, what of Oprah's endorsement of Obama? Really, she's gotta be worth an ass load (no pun intended) of liposuctioned fat that could be made into fuel. Or John Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth Edwards? She's dying, but what the hell. Her husband has thrown her under the bus already. Why not just render her and put her in the bus. New Mexico's governor, Bill Richardson is kinda chunky...and he used to be Secretary of Energy. He's a lock.

Then, I started thinking. What about that gaseous turd, Senator Edward M. Kennedy? No wind farm in your backyard? Well, then. How about we lipo your fat ass and power a few tanks. Or better yet, he could donate his lard to Joe "For Oil" Kennedy, to keep the old folks warm.

Senator Charles "Putzhead" Schumer (D-NY)? Senator Arlen "Douchebag" Specter(D-PA)? Maybe they aren't that fat; but, the lard between their ears would make a nice lamp oil.

In fact, there is so much fat--and fat-headedness--in Congress that the real energy bill should have required that every senator and representative be liposuctioned; then, every man, woman and child with a BMI over 30.

This is huge! This is like knobbin' two birds with one connie. (Thanks, Ali G!) The solution to obesity and energy dependence, all in one neat package.

So, truck your fat ass down to the doctor and tell them that you want to do your part for the environment...and to make America energy independent.

Or, call 1-866-ASS2OIL.

Your children's future depends upon it.

*As far as I know, he's not really a Hillary! supporter. Just a whacko.