Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Theo Epstein Is The Devil....

Theo Nathan Epstein, at one point, the youngest General Manager in Major League Baseball history, is the Devil. Satan. Lucifer. Mephistopheles.

This is the only obvious explanation.

He is hired as GM, the Red Sox win their first Fall Classic since 1918, effectively ending (or, at least sending on sabbatical) the Curse of the Bambino. To get to the 2004 Series, they must erase a 3-0 deficit in the ALCS, including beating the Yankees twice at The Stadium. They must beat the Cardinals twice in St. Louis. They must overcome eighty-six years of pain, disappointment, and memories of Bucky Fucking Dent and Billy Buckner. The Sox cobbled together eight straight wins to bring comfort and solace to The Hub.

In return, Epstein did not want--did not need--souls. He wanted...

Eric Gagne.

As an aside, I note that the Red Sox become the first Major League Baseball team to go back-to-back-to-back with dingers in the top of the sixth inning.

Youkilis, Ortiz and Ramirez all hit taters in the top of the sixth, to shave the Cleveland Indians' lead from 7-0 to 7-3. The fan that caught Youkilis' ball threw it back. The fan that caught Big Papi's ball sold it to a Red Sox fan for $20.00. I do not know the fate of Manny's home run ball.

And, should the Sox come back from four runs down to tie the series, then go on to win six more games, I will know it is true.

And next year, in return for the win, Theo will get...

Eric Gagne, with a five-year, $50m deal, and a no-trade clause.



The Lifeguard said...

Holy cow, I might be on to something.

Anonymous said...