Sunday, August 12, 2007

Why People Hate Lawyers: Reason 9,650

A Morgantown, W(by God)V man, his mother (who may also be his sister) and a friend (who is, most certainly related, in some way) are suing McDonald's for $10m.

The man, Jeromy Jackson, a twenty-something slacker, ordered two Quarter Pounders--without cheese--and got, instead, cheese. Jackson, who took "...five independent steps to make sure that the thing didn't have cheese on it" said Timothy Houston, Esquire.

Apparently, Jackson, who is allergic to cheese, told everyone in the Star City, W(by God)V McDonald's that he was allergic to cheese.

Then, he went home, to watch a movie in a darkened room, where he ate the Quarter Pounders. In the dark, where he could not see what he was eating. You know, no light, so he was not sure that he had his tasty burger, and not someone else's.

"Jeromy took one bite (in the darkened room) and started having the reaction," Houston said. They tried to call the restaurant to advise that the order had been FUBARed, then rushed Jackson to hospital, where he incurred $700.00 worth of medical bills. $700.00 in medical bills?

So, this is, somehow, worth $10m? West (by God) Virginia is barely worth $10m, exclusive of Senator Robert Byrd's (D-W(by God)V) earmarks, bribes, and graft, brought home from Washington, D.C. There is no mothereffing way that this case is worth $10m.

Where does the lawyer get off seeking $700.00 in actual damages, (probably) $10,000.00 in compensatory damages, and the rest in punitive damages? He knows, sadly, that McDonald's is evil, that juries are stupid, and no one will fault Jeromy for eating his sandwich in the dark, after fucking up his own order at the McDonald's.

This is the reason that they have "Order by Number" at McDonald's. ("I'd like a Number Three, please.") McDonald's realises that the people who work there are not all that much smarter than the idiots who place the orders at the clown. That is why McDonald's has screens that show the order, to ensure correctness. That is why every person in the McDonald-eating world looks at their order to make sure that it is correct. And, what kind of a nimrod calls the McDonald's upon learning that the order is wrong?

It is all too perfect. Too much like a bag-job.

I am betting that: a) this is a phonied-up case (like the finger in the Wendy's chili or the rat in the Coor's Light; b ) that Jeromy (or his friends) will roll-over like Lindsay Lohan for booze and crank; and, c) that in spite of a and b, some stupid-ass jury in West (by God) Virginia will give these cretins an assload of money to punish the evil McDonald's.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

blissfully fucktarded