Saturday, June 23, 2007


The Massachusetts town of Stoneham, a blue-collar burg just north of Boston, needed $3 million dollars in a Proposition 2 1/2 Override. They got dick, coming up 237 votes short, because voters believe that the problem is not too little taxation, but too much. As a consequence, the town has eliminated inter-scholastic sports.

Stoneham joins 33 other communities in voting down the tax increases "for the children."

Rather than fucking over the kids that participate in sports (and who stay fit and trim in the process), the school board should do a few unconventional things. Things that would not only help the children, but the school, the town, and the bottom line. For, as the Duke of Wellington noted, the battles of life "...are won on the playing fields of Eton and Harrow." And, ostensibly, Stoneham.

So, this is the plan, free of charge, for the pointy-headed intellectuals that sit the school board.

First, reinstate the sports programmes. Immediately, before any of the star athletes move to other towns' schools, or to prep schools. Keep them in the system.

Second, where there is more than one assistant principal at a school, fire him (or her). There is no need for two (or three) assistant principals in a school. If need be, give the remaining assistant a pay rise to make them shut the fuck up. Ten (10%) percent should do the trick.

Third, snacks in the school vending machines. Coke, Pepsi, or Polar Beverages could pay the schools a small sum to get the machines in, then the school can realise some revenue from the sale of sodas, energy drinks, and the like. Similarly, candy bars, chips and other snacks go into the other vending machines. The schools lose money when the machines are filled with inedible shit. Also, the schools should get corporate sponsorships for their athletic fields.

Fourth, every student participating in inter-scholastic sports pays an additional $100.00 activity fee. Believe me, the parents will pay the scoots to have the sporting programmes in place. It is a hell of a lot cheaper than prep school.

Fifth, if the school system is still short, make up for it by cutting administrators. In fact, every school system is top-heavy with administrative staff, so separate the wheat from the chaff, and save some dough.

After all, it is for the children...and, as Governor Deval Patrick's campaign slogan noted, "Together we can..."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i spent 2 years working in that lovely town.