Yikes!

If You See An Iranian Carrying One Of These...

...run like hell.  In the opposite direction.

Now that Iranian hit squads are tooling around with boom boxes* packed with explosives and ball bearings, The Lifeguard is going to be extra cautious.

As an aside, what sort of music does a suicide bomber listen to (on his boom box**) when he is going...um...well..."BOOM"?  The Lifeguard votes for "Sex Bomb" (by Tom Jones).

*    Pun intended.
**  Pun still intended.

HFWTFMF?!?

He's Right About The Lifeguard...
But So Wrong For America.
Iowa is so irrelevant.

The First-In-The-Nation Iowa Caucuses are today, and the big winners will be candidates who are so fucking stupid that they couldn't beat President Obama (in the general election) if they were on the ballot by themselves.

One-time loser, former Senator Rick Santorum is surging; but, people forget that he lost a senate race (when he was the incumbent).  And, let's also not forget that he looks like a giant tool in his sweater vest, or that Googling his name gets you to an X-Rated web-site.

Now, it's true that The Lifeguard is somewhere to the right of Santorum; but, even so, there is no excitement for this douchebag's candidacy.  After all, if the present occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (who was a senator) is viewed as a failure, what is this loser going to be?  Hell, at least Obama won his seat fair and square.  One would think that the Pennsylvania Republican Party could have stolen enough votes to get Santorum another term.

Congressman Ron Paul?  He's another piece of work.  Googling "Bugfuck Crazy" should get you to a picture of the Texas gynecologist.  (It doesn't, but it should.)  This cat wants to let Iran get some nukes.  That pretty much sums up The Lifeguard's opinion of Candidate Paul.  The liberals love this guy, especially if he takes his merry band of retards and sets off on a third-party campaign for the White House.  The fact that he is even on Iowans radar screens convinces The Lifeguard that Iowans should not be allowed to vote.  Ever.

Mitt Romney, is also surging in Iowa.  The man who will say anything to get elected has proven that he will...well...say anything to get elected.  As a man who worked on Romney's campaigns, The Lifeguard has seen his burning desire to be the POTUS.  From Massachusetts flip-flops, to his liberal record as chief executive of the Commonwealth, Romney has been a weather vane with magnificent hair.

And, truth be told, when President Obama's minions say they are "afraid" of running against Romney in the general, what they really are saying is, "When given the choice between the Democrat and the Democrat, the people will vote for the Democrat every time."

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann?  She's nuts.  (And, frankly, The Lifeguard wishes she'd shut the fuck up.)

Next up, the second most insignificant state primary:  New Hampshire!

They Are Probably Looking For Some Harassment

The Supreme Court heard oral arguments in what could be the most significant case of the century. The women seek to represent the class in a sex discrimination suit against Wal-Mart, claiming that their experiences are indicative of a culture of discrimination at the Arkansas-based retailer.

Of course, the only winners, if the Supremes uphold the Ninth Circus Court of Appeals (who allowed the certification, 10-9, sitting en banc), are the lawyers who represent the women.

Their fees could be close to a billion dollars, including costs and expenses. Not a bad day's work. Each woman, on the other hand, would end up with about $1,000.00 in back pay and compensation. (Just enough to put down a payment to secure some liposuction or other cosmetic surgery.)

Aside from the fact that certifying a class in a case where every claim of discrimination is different, it smacks of the worst sort of Oprah-style justice, where every man is an ogre, and every woman--all 1.5 million of them--a victim.

One can only hope that the Supremes get this one right.