Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Speedos!

Baseball!
It's on, bitches!  

The 2013 MLB season is underway, and it's another edition of Speedos!

  • Margaret Thatcher, Great Britain's first (and only) female prime minister, passed away yesterday.  She was a force to be reckoned with, and one of the key players in the dismantling of the Iron Curtain.  She will be missed.
  • The Lifeguard can only hope that if the United States has a woman as president she will be as gracious (and tenacious) as Baroness Thatcher.
  • The Boston Red Sox are 5-2, and are atop the AL East.  Sure, it's only April 9th; but, The Lifeguard is stoked.
  • The Louisville Cardinals won the NCAA Basketball Championship, defeating the University of Michigan, 82-76.  (At least Michigan lost because of shitty play, not for calling a time-out that they didn't have.)
  • What does the University of Kentucky student have in common with the University of Louisville student?  They both got into Louisville.
  • The Lifeguard looked for some reporting on the Women's NCAA Tournament, but couldn't find any.  Because no one cares.
  • An Auburn, Massachusetts man is charged by police for killing a bear in his backyard.  (So much for the right to bear arms.)  HFWTFMF?!?  It was a bear.  In his backyard.
  • Police are considering charging the man with a "Hate Crime" since it was a black bear; and, therefore, racially motivated.
  • The Lifeguard was umpiring a college baseball game over the weekend.  After an ejection, The Lifeguard was walking the coach off the field when said coach stopped, pulled third base out of the ground, and threw it into the middle of the infield.  The Lifeguard said, "Wow!  That's the best throw today by anyone wearing your team's uniform."
  • The Preezy of the Heezy slams Republican lawmakers for "political stunts" regarding gun control.  Then, he travels to Newtown, Connecticut to meet eleven parents of Newtown victims so that he can fly them back to Washington, D.C. on Air Force One.  This is one of the (many) reasons that he is The Lifeguard's Fucktard of the Week.
  • A topless protester confronts Russian president Vladimir Putin and German Chancellor Angela Merkel...and Putin "liked it."  First, it was Pussy Riot, now, it's Titty Riot.
  • Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher is still dead.
  • Is The Lifeguard the only one hoping that Beyonce and Jay Z stay in Cuba?
  • The advertisement for Viagra suggests seeking medical attention for an erection lasting more than four hours.  Are they trying to say that a quickie is bad?
All right.  It's late, and The Lifeguard is tired.  Rest in peace, Mrs. Thatcher.

Have a great day, y'all.

1 comment:

Teo T said...

Brilliant blog! I love your little witticisms and thoughts on the most recent news headlines. I work for a new social blogging site called glipho.com, and was just wondering if you would be interested in sharing your posts there with us? It wouldn't change your blog in any way, and I know our community would really enjoy your work here. Let me know what you think!

All the best,

Teo