Fucking Mayans...

She Gave To Save

And, obviously, the Mayan gods were satisfied by her acts to the point that they didn't destroy the world yesterday.  (The Lifeguard was equally satisfied, for the record.  Eleven times.)

Anyway, it's time for a post-apocalypse (and pre-Christmas) Speedos!

• In Massachusetts, a prisoner, Michelle (nee Robert) Kosilek is seeking a taxpayer-funded sex change operation.  Apparently, this is part of the punishment for killing his wife back in 1990.  (He killed her in a fight over a frock at Filene's Basement.)  While it is true that, for a carton of Newports, prisoners would chop of Kosilek's Johnson, he would prefer that the removal be effected by qualified sex-reassignment professionals.
• In Kentucky, an appellate court upheld a lower court's finding that Phillip Seaton, a 66-year-old man, had consented to the removal of his penis.  (It's a cancer thing, in case you were wondering.)  While it is true that the insurance company had a two-inch deductible, Seaton sued his doctor for the whack-job, and lost at trial.
• Maybe The Lifeguard should try to get Kosilek and Seaton together?  
• President Obama is in Hawaii, for the funeral of the late Senator Daniel Inouye (D-HI).  And, since the timing worked, President Obama has decided to hang out for a few weeks (and a few million dollars) for a much-needed holiday.  
• The Lifeguard thinks it's wonderful that the president gets a break.  He's been very busy, don't you know.
• When The Lifeguard read that Georgia was rebuilding monuments to Stalin, he tried to remember a football star from the University of Georgia with the surname Stalin. Then, he remembered...there is another Georgia.
• Apparently, being a flatulent turd can get you a reprimand.  (Unless you are an elected flatulent turd.)
• Even in death, Steve Jobs is a dick.
• Senator John F. Kerry (D-MA), who speaks French and who served in Viet Nam, might well be our next Secretary of State.  This post is becoming the dumping ground for people who just didn't have what it takes to be the president; and, The Lifeguard wonders if this is a good thing.  Do we really want a man, who was the choice of every Third World dictator to be POTUS, to be America's chief diplomat?
• Is it worse to marry a man for his money (Teresa Heinz Kerry), or to marry the widow of the man she married for his money (Senator John Forbes Kerry).

That's all for now.  The Lifeguard has got some Christmas shopping to do.

Fucking Mayans.