Monday, October 22, 2012


"Don't You Want Me?"
The Lifeguard was recently in Reno, and he ran into Sandra Fluke (and ten whole Obama supporters).  She made The Lifeguard an offer, noting that with ObamaCare, she had contraception and time on her hands.  The Lifeguard, however, had shit to do, so he declined.

That is why you cats get a pre-debate Speedos!

  • President Obama, who remains fiercely committed to not being a Kenyan-born Muslim, raked in a trifecta of endorsements from some of the biggest freight in the world.  Hugo Chavez, Raul Castro, and Vladimir Putin gave high praise to the Preezy of the Heezy, noting that not even Jimmy Carter got this much help prior to the 1980 election.
  • Will Hugo Chavez be President Obama's honoured guest at tonight's debate, at Lynn University?  The world waits.
  • Lance Armstrong now has as many Tour de France titles as The Lifeguard.  Still, The Lifeguard can't help but be a little saddened by the witch-hunt that led to the UCI stripping him of those victories.  (And, had Armstrong decided to duke it out with USADA, and he had won, there would still be a cloud hanging over him.  Just ask Roger Clemens.)
  • Do any of the undecided voters care about foreign policy?  Probably not.  The Lifeguard suggests that this is the reason that tonight's debate is the last debate.
  • In the penultimate debate, Governor Romney got the president on record as having fumbled the ball on the Benghazi fiasco.  So, he could spike it when bin Laden was killed; but, he couldn't hold onto it on this possession.  Another reason that the president is the J. Bruce Ismay of this administration.
  • The Lifeguard thinks that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton might have the biggest balls of anyone in this feckless administration.
  • Justice Elena Kagan claims that she would not have been Obama's nominee to the Supreme Court if she had not been a woman.  Hmm.  That answers the question about her sex.  (The Lifeguard was, frankly, unsure.)  It also demonstrates that when race, sex, or national origin are used as factors in determining a nominee, the likelihood of other, better-qualified people being overlooked increases.
  • Thousands of women called Planned Parenthood to schedule mammograms.  The Lifeguard wants to offer his services to conduct breast exams, in the event that Planned Parenthood is backlogged.  (You must be between the ages of 18 and 28, be fit, and have at least three hours for the screening.)
  • FLOTUS Michelle Obama advised people to vote early because their "...toilet[s] may be overflowing on election day."  Doesn't that presume that Obama voters have toilets?
All right, y'all.  The Lifeguard has to get ready for tonight.  Watch this space for an in-depth analysis of the Battle in Boca.

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