If You Engage In Any Of The Following Behaviour...
you deserve an ass-kicking of Brobdingnagian proportions. If you engage in this behaviour in a church, you should be killed.
1) Wearing a Bluetooth earpiece makes you a douche. I so wanted to say something to the parishoner who had his earpiece on, blinking away, while the priest gave his homily. Unfortunately, I was so fixated by that blinking blue light that I couldn't pay attention. I prayed for his unfortunate (and untimely) death as the hands of a gang of meth-crazed high school students. (And, I think that God will answer my prayers.)
2) Fucking around with your iPhone prior to Mass, then showing the clever YouTube video to your pew-mate, deserves a beating that would have made Sister Benita Mussolini proud. (We used to call her Il Douchebag.)
If you can't be disconnected from technology for one measly hour, then you should politely remove yourself from the human race.
That is all.