It's Been A Long Time...
But, The Lifeguard is back with a new and improved edition of Speedos! The 2014 line, you might say. And, with all of the douchebaggery in the world, a man such as The Lifeguard is needed more than ever.
- In beautiful Los Angeles, California, where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting an illegal alien, a company has developed the Burrito Box, a burrito vending machine. Because, it's cheaper and more efficient to have a vending machine distribute burritos than Mexicans. Yep, the upcoming amnesty for illegal aliens seems like a really good idea.
- With all of the discussions about increasing the minimum wage (to $15.00 an hour) to a much-needed amnesty for illegal aliens, The Lifeguard wishes that someone would have an honest discussion about the two closely-related problems. An increased minimum wage will, no doubt, lead to more illegal immigration as business owners look for people who can be paid, under-the-table, less than the new, higher, "living wage."
- The Batman movie, starring George Clooney, is awful.
- The Lifeguard has never seen the show, Girls. He is pretty sure that he doesn't want to see the show's creator and star, Lena Dunham, naked.
- Seriously, do you have any idea what a horrible, horrible movie Batman & Robin is?
- New York City mayor, Bill de Blasio (D-umbass) went to a meet-and-greet on Staten Island. Someone ordered pizza. Mayor de Blasio ate his with a fork. What the fork?!? That's sort of like ordering a Philly cheesesteak with Swiss cheese.
- Nearly 92 million Americans are not in the labor force. Well played, President Obama. Well played. People wondered what a second-term Jimmy Carter presidency would have looked like. Now, we know. Thank Christ for those Burrito Boxes.
- Former Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon died at the age of 85. He had been in a coma for eight years, following a debilitating stroke in January, 2006. Rest in peace.
- A recent study by High Point University concluded that Narcissists tweet more often than other people. Probably why The Lifeguard tweets so infrequently.
- In a related story, The Lifeguard hopes that he never hears the term "hashtag" again. (Unless it relates to a pricetag on a brick of hash. Then, it's all right.)
All right, my babies. It's off to...well...whatever The Lifeguard is planning for today.