Monday, March 07, 2011


Vatican Assassin Warlocks!
Witches and warlocks united to save Charlie Sheen from himself, casting spells intended to turn his life around and save him from "...bangin' seven gram rocks..." and porn stars.

The Lifeguard had hoped for something a little more sinister, like voodoo dolls and animal sacrifices. (The Lifeguard assumes that these are good witches and warlocks?) And, if there are any virgins who are afraid of falling victim to some sort of crazed human sacrifice, please feel free to ring The Lifeguard.

Converting virgins is just another way that The Lifeguard saves.