Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ripples on the Water

The Lifeguard Speaks

It is hard to believe, but The Lifeguard is frequently annoyed (and amused) by the actions and words of the world around.

The driver of the Prius, for instance, who had a "Somewhere in Kenya, a village is missing its idiot" bumper sticker, caused a good eleven minutes of mirth. That said Prius was on a Boston street made it all the more delicious.

A bag of airline peanuts bearing the warning, "Processed in a facility that processes peanuts" is just plain stupid. From where The Lifeguard sits, the deal with peanut allergies is this: If a person with said allergy can't look at a packet, marked "peanuts" and know that this is an item to be avoided, then said person might just need to go into anaphylactic shock (and, if they survive, be sterilised).

A bar with a sign out front that says, "Shot and a Beer, $2.00" is an oasis for The Lifeguard. Especially when in the company of a beautiful woman (or six).

Flight attendants who are obese and rude are rather annoying. Not only is air travel a service industry, it is a (generally) poorly managed enterprise, at that. That being said, why not hire folks who are polite, cheerful, and in shape. (The Lifeguard does not want to rely upon a nasty blimp to evacuate the airplane. And, if that is how The Lifeguard is going to leave this life, he wants to be looking at a hot chick, not an ugly, miserable fuck.)

And, please tell The Lifeguard why he can't buy his own beer and carry it on the plane. He'll drink responsibly.

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