Sunday, June 22, 2008

Six Flags?

Sixth Level Of Hell!

Today, I did the unlikely. I took my children to Six Flags New England, in Agawam, Massachusetts. A place also known as Hell.

A place where one look at the patrons will make you feel good about yourself.

Too fat? There is someone fatter (and uglier) splashing in the water park, Speedo bursting as a consequence of one (hundred and fifty) too many Wendy's Triple Cheeseburgers. Too skinny? Check out the meth addict on the Lazy River. Want a tattoo? Shop for one among the crowd. Scorpions, tigers, pit bulls, and pictures of their baby girl (or, boy). Piercings? They've got 'em. Noses, lips, cheeks, eye brows, and belly buttons (plus, at least one visible nipple piercing on a guy named Hector).

There was nearly a fight in the water park, when a Puerto Rican girl took exception at being splashed by a black woman. ("It's a water park. Hello!") Indeed, judging by the reaction by the Latina, Democrat Presidential nominee, Senator B. Hussein Obama has a lot of outreach to do in the Hispanic community.

Which brings me to the overwhelmingly ethnic and white trash clientele.

Folks speaking English were outnumbered, at least two-to-one. Tattooed (or pierced)? Six-to-one. Women that I might take home to meet mom (if mom were alive...and I were inclined)? Exactly...two. And, one of them (I am pretty sure) was sixteen.

On top of it all, one must pay fifteen ($15.00) to park, just to have the privilege of paying $29.99 (each) to get into the park. Down a C-Note before I even bought the first $3.50 water, or the first $8.99 crispy chicken wrap.

Really, what, in the name of all that is holy, is the rationale behind a parking fee? I mean, other than the obvious. Usually, I like a kiss before I get screwed.

But, the kids had fun; and, the roller coasters were pretty cool.

Oh, and the two largish black men in the car park? They were priceless.

Black Guy One [To no one in particular]: "Yo, nigga! Can you believe that we came all the way here and lost our car?"

B.G. Two [To me]: "Nigga! How you doin'? Seen our car?"

Me [Under my breath]: "Get me out of here."

B.G. One [To the car park]: "Niggas! Where's our car!"

My only regret? That I am not still in university, in a sociology class, so that I could do a paper on this shit.


Cartooniste said...

Wow! And I thought hell was at the Good Times near Alewife. At least it's cheaper there. And you can have beer. But it has a similar, if possibly poorer, clientele, bad pizza, and an original Ms. Pac-Man machine.

My version of hell would be to be trapped there, perpetually looking for the people I came with because I am ready to leave but they keep wandering off.

But in light of your account, perhaps I am wrong.

Christopher King said...

America is a piece of shit, that's why.

But anyway dem niggas was just apeing Ashton Kutcher LOL.

Yes Rob Tennis on Tuesday the 22nd sounds good.

I have a Depo. I'm helping out with in Lawrence then I'll fly by.

Don't let me forget -- send an email and I'll email you too.


Christopher King said...

And speaking of white trash I don't give a kitty what anybody says, this one is a cutie, chunky now or what.