Thursday, May 23, 2013


Speaking From Experience, There Is Nothing Sexier Than A Chick Packing Heat
It's Speedos!

  • The Lifeguard represented a low-level gangster, who had been hauled in for a deposition pursuant to Rule 15 of the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure.  In order that he remain out of the line of fire, The Lifeguard suggested that, perhaps, taking the Fifth might be wise.  So, he did.

    US Attorney:  "Could you please state your name for the record?"

    Client:  "I'm taking the Fifth."

    US Attorney:  "I'm just asking your name."

    Client:  "Upon the advice of counsel, I decline to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me."

    And, so it went...for two hours.
  • The Lifeguard, therefore, wonders why in the crikey fuck embattled IRS functionary  Lois Lerner gave a statement, proclaiming her innocence, before pleading the Fifth.  Seriously?  What idiot told her that her Constitutional right to avoid self-incrimination would be preserved if she made a self-serving statement before pleading the Fifth?
  • Also troubling is the case of Alzheimer's that has affected former IRS Commissioner Doug Shulman, who was asked what he discussed during his 118 White House visits in 2010 and 2011.
  • Doug Shulman, a lawyer, claims that he is not an expert in Constitutional Law, even though every law student must take Con Law.  Perhaps he took President Obama's course at the University of Chicago.
  • Does anyone believe that Doug Shulman attended the Easter Egg Roll at the White House?  Is his new gig going to be president of Jews for Jesus?
  • Where did all of these Washington lawyers, with seemingly no understanding of the law, come from?  Isn't this an indictment of the American system of educating lawyers?  (Or, is this just another example of incompetence in government?)
  • And what about the Al Roker-looking motherfucker?  One has to think that to be the Treasury Inspector General, one must not be a complete fucktard.  (But, having heard J. Russell George testify, one would be wrong.)  Truth be told, The Lifeguard kept waiting for him to say, "And here's the weather in your world."
  • When The Lifeguard heard that two men hacked a British soldier to death, his first thought was, "Fucking Islamic terrorists."  Surprisingly, The Lifeguard was...correct.  The larger question is why Prime Minister David Cameron immediately referred to this as an act of terrorism while President Obama still refers to the Fort Hood shooting as a case of "workplace violence"?
  • And, if Major Nidal Hasan, the Fort Hood shooter is still receiving his Army pay, why is he allowed to wear a beard?  And, why has the judge, Colonel Gregory Gross been removed from the case for ordering a serving officer (and one of a lesser rank) to comply with Army Regulations?  If Major Hasan is collecting his pay, he should be obliged to comply with Army Regulations.
  • And, now that Major Hasan has fired his attorneys, we can expect a bigger circus.
  • There was extensive violence in the suburbs of Stockholm, Sweden.  Of course, it probably wasn't initiated by disaffected immigrant youths.
  • Constitutional whiz (and Preezy of the Heezy) Barack Hussein Obama, who remains fiercely non-Muslim, has been a proponent of unmanned drone strikes, which have killed four American citizens.  Which begs the question, "Why the extrajudicial action against some (these guys, for instance) and not others (the five suspects in the Benghazi Consulate attack)?
  • The Lifeguard also wonders why former-DNC head, Howard Dean, can get away with calling Benghazi "...a laughable joke"?  Four dead Americans.  An attack on American soil.  Yep.  The Lifeguard is rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.
  • First Lady Michelle Obama is planning an extended vacation.  How does one take an extended vacation when you are always on vacation?
  • The Lifeguard is still waiting for one...just one...Muslim cleric to come out against all of the violence being perpetrated by militant Islamists.  [crickets]
Yep, this has been an angry installment of Speedos!, but The Lifeguard is angry.

Peace, y'all.

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