Friday, November 11, 2011


Just When You Thought It Was Safe...
The Lifeguard was watching two very mediocre teams play volleyball.  There wasn't much skill on the part of the teams, and it was not unlike watching paint dry.  But for the fact that there is rally scoring, the match would have lasted forever.  And The Lifeguard hasn't heard people yelling "free ball" that much since the New York Gay Men's Chorus and The Chippendales played the 2009 Cannibal Convention at the Bellagio.

A trip to K-Mart?  Occasionally, it's necessary, if for no other reason than it's the only store in the shopping plaza.  Where else can one find a collection of freaks and morons?  (Outside of the carnival, of course.)  Not only were the aisles empty, the store smelled vaguely of ass-sweat and body odour, with a hint of popcorn and Icee.  (Sort of like the way the Occupy Wall Street compound smells, but better.)  Even the poor don't want to go into K-Mart...for good reason.  (The Lifeguard needed a full-scale decontamination after his visit.  You know, the kind you get after exposure to radiation or chemicals.)

And, what about McDonald's?  While The Lifeguard usually eschews fast food, he is drawn to McDonald's french fries like Amy Winehouse to a crack pipe.  The only difference is that crack might just be less harmful than the fries.

Presidential contender, Texas Governor Rick Perry had another stellar performance at the last debate.  Not only did he forget one of the central themes of his own campaign, he forgot it for 53 seconds.  Now, The Lifeguard is no fan of The Rickster--who is a lot like The Huckster--but, even The Lifeguard knew the three Departments that should be eliminated.

The movie, The Ides of March, starring George Clooney (as an all-white amalgam of President Barack Hussein Obama and William Jefferson Clinton), is an interesting and engaging view of a presidential campaign.  (A Democrat presidential campaign, natch.)  Was it worth $10.00?  No.  But, The Lifeguard had nothing better to do for two hours.

Is this enough mean-spirited and crass commentary for the night?

The Lifeguard says, "Yes!"

Goodnight, y'all.

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