Today Is National Breakup Day

I will bet that Hallmark doesn't have a card for that. But, I would like to see Breakup Cards--maybe something with Snoopy and Charlie Brown telling Lucy to go play in traffic--or Peppermint Patty and her little lesbian friend, Marcie telling little Sally Brown that she's too much of a lipstick lesbian for their tastes.

Maybe some sappy poetry:

Roses are red,
Violets are dead,
You ruined my life
You fucking bitch.

Or:

Now that you are out of the house,
You cheating louse,
The poolboy and I laugh,
Because your dick is as small as a mouse.

Maya Angelou could write some pedantic shit about how your boyfriend was a lying, cheating douchebag. Oprah and Dr. Phil could have the "Throw 'da bum out" series, free with the purchase of O Magazine. Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump could use the transcripts of their public feud as the grist for the breakup-card mill.

And, Hate Stamps from the United States Post Office. That would complete the package.

Beautiful. Fucking beautiful.