What's In A Name Redux

I was traveling on family business and I, in a relatively short span of time, came upon three people with unbelievably bad names. Names that you would write home about (or, at least, mention in a post on this blawg).

The first, Beijing (according to her name plate), was a pleasant, non-Asian woman, who was manning the cash register at Burger King in the Atlanta Airport.

Me: "Hey, that would be a good name for a city."

Beijing: "It is."

What, in the name of all that is holy, is someone thinking of when they name their child Beijing? Really, that is a name of a person that is doomed to work, for eternity, at the Atlanta Airport Terminal D Burger King. And, did I mention, she wasn't Asian. Perhaps her sister, Shanghai could shed some light on why she was stuck with this awful name.

The second, Shaquina, was emptying trash barrels. What the hell is a Shaquina? What about Anne, or Lisa? I have to think that a lot of controlled substances must be ingested to even get to the point that you put that name on a birth certificate. Again, this is an absolute guarantee that the person will never be judged on anything other than her name.

I realise that creativity is to be applauded; but, when a child gets such a ridiculous name, they are surely going to be the subject of unlimited amounts of scorn and ridicule.

Finally, I ran into a woman named Elizabeth. What kind of a normal name is that? It is plain vanilla, not creative at all. What was going through her parents' mind?

Mom: I think Savannah is a good name.

Dad: I love her movies. She is amazing. I once saw her at Scores. Or, maybe Shayna?

Mom: No, Shayna is not good. Maybe Cinnamon? Then, she won't have to change her name when she goes to work at the age of 18. Or Tiffani. She could put hearts, or smiley faces over the is.

Dad: No daughter of mine is going to work the pole.

Mom: Well, I can't think of anything else.

Dad: Okay, well, maybe Elizabeth?

Mom: That is so boring, but I guess we are out of options.

Oh, how I miss normal, uncreative names.