In anticipation of the BCS Championship Game...

Jim Tressel, the head coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes called his team together for one of those inspirational speeches, the kind that Knute Rockne or Ara Parseghian might give. He spoke, he called upon God, and he brought his team to their feet, screaming, chanting, "Beat the Gators!"

Then, as he reached his peroration, he whipped out his wang, and pulled a five foot long alligator out of a gunny sack. He allowed the reptile to clamp down on his johnson, then smacked the gator on the head with such force, it dropped to the ground, obviously writing in pain.

Tressel exclaimed, "Which one of you is man enough to do that?"

Then, silence.

Tressel shouted, "Are you pussies, or are you men?"

Finally, Heisman Trophy winner, Troy Smith raised his hand.

"Yes?" Tressel said.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me so hard."

Go, Gators!