HFWTFMF?!?

Colour Commentator?
The Lifeguard would have been called a racist had he said it. However, it's true, President Barack Hussein Obama (who continues to not be a Muslim) tried his hand at colour commentary during the Dook/Georgetown basketball game on January 30th.

Listening to the ramblings of the 44th president, it seemed that, absent a TelePromTer, the POTUS would suck just as much at doing colour for CBS as he does at running America.

Of course, he can't watch a full game, "...tun[ing] in and out...", so perhaps he could work with Joe Morgan, who doesn't watch baseball games.

HFWTFMF?!?

Gilbert Arenas Plays For A Team That Used To Be Called The Bullets...

Well, he used to play for a team called the Bullets.

You Want Me On That Plane!

THE LIFEGUARD WAS TRAVELING FROM NIGERIA LAST WEEK...

As The Lifeguard walked through security, the only white guy in a sea of sweaty, smelly Third-Worlders, he heard those words that every good American (i.e., non-Muslim) hates to hear:

"Lifeguard, you have been selected for secondary screening. One finger or two?"