GAY!

Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster (snicker!) of the Hogwarts School, is a homo.

I was certain it was that little queen, Potter. After all, he couldn't close the deal with Hogwarts hottie, Hermione Granger.

Really, who cares? And, what does it add to the story to out Dumbledore? Nothing, I say.

The bigger question, of course, is why there was thunderous applause when J.K. Rowling revealed his sexual orientation. He is a fictional character, for heck's sake. He doesn't exist.

Rowling was later heard to say, "Why can't these people get a life? I mean, I appreciate the shit ton of money I have made off of that little brat Potter; and I love the attention, but...GET A LIFE!"