The Eighth Inning At Fenway Park Will Never Be The Same Again...

Neil Diamond surprised no one when he revealed that the song (and eighth-inning Fenway standard), "Sweet Caroline" was about Caroline Kennedy. What surprised people was that the lyrics were penned in 1969, after he saw a picture of Caroline Kennedy. I mean, really, she was twelve years old when he saw the picture. Twelve. Underage. Jail bait.

I always knew that Diamond was a creepy bastard. And now, he'll be registering as a sex offender at a police station near you.

"Sweet Caroline"
by Neil Diamond

Where it began, I can't begin to know when (It was 1969. I was in a cheap hotel.)
But then I know it's growing strong (Nice sentiment.)
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along (Still not too creepy.)

Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you (Creepy. Really creepy.)
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would

And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh (I shouldn't have this on my hard drive.)
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you (Sick and twisted. Call the police.)

Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you (She's only twelve...but very mature.)
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would

Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good (Bring me a pack of smokes.)